The pain experienced by the caregiver

As I wrote last, we had an appointment with a new Neurologist this week.  It was a good experience and I am encouraged that he will be good for us.  But, as we briefed him on my disease and how it manifested itself, I saw the grief and pain in my Wife's face.  This was the first time I ever noticed her pain.  She seemed to actually recoil at each description of a symptom as if she was actually experiencing that issue herself.

My Wife loves me!  I have always known that.  But, I never realized how deeply me having LBD has hurt her.  She is in pain over my problems.  She hides it well and when I told her about what I observed, she brushed me off.   She IS a tough person!   Many Navy deployments and workups has forged her in the crucible of stress and loneliness.   But this is a new and unexpected villain that neither of us expected and were not prepared for.  We are well into this journey yet I never really saw her grief before.  It brings a much different prospective to me.

As the one wit the disease, I focus on how it impacts and effects me.  But those negative things are actually harder for her to deal with than for me.  I know that now.  But, what do I do?

I have been told two things that impacted me.  First was from my neurologist in Virginia.  She told me that I had not dealt with my disease mentally.  I disagreed with her then, but I now totally agree and I am trying to address that issue.  Second, I was told that this disease is not all about me.  I know that is true now.  LBD effects the caregiver more than I understood and I am sorry that I did not understand that before now.

Still, I don't have an answer as to how I can change this.  But I intend to be more attentive to Her feelings and emotions.  My LBD does effect Her and I must understand that.