Monday, June 18, 2018


Agitation and anger have me feeling miserable.  The day started out OK.  Breakfast, some time with my Wife, an appointment with my Psychologist, and two shopping stops, both productive and not stressful.  We ate a light lunch and I tried to nap with my Wife in her apartment.  She sleep well.  My agitation started then.  Why?  Phone calls with no purpose that interrupted our nap, and a feeling of anger that was bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.  We went to my dinning room and had dinner.  A nice meal, but due to a planned power outage this morning, the ice cream was soft.  That does not bother me, but it bothers my Wife and that bothers me.  We then went back to her apartment, watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, through the constant whining for attention from our 3 year old Chihuahua.  By 7 PM, I was ready to explode!  Now, I am back in the Cabin, pissed off, and feeling miserable.

This is a normal occurrence!  A cycle that repeats itself daily.  Why?  Maybe because I reall do not like being out of my comfort zone and that is made up of where I live.  Riding in a car is almost more than I can handle.  Things are too close and too fast for me to deal with.  Parking lots are danger zones for me.  Or, at least that is how I perceive them.

Another issues is the stress of normal, daily, life.   My Wife has had some medical tests and we are waiting the results.  It could be nothing, something minor, or something major.  That has me worried and up in the air.  She has always been the healthy one!  

I just can’t see clean air anywhere!  Just clouds, storms, and danger.  All of this weighs very heavy on me and makes me feel miserable.  Yes, I am whining.  I have a right too!

1 comment:

  1. Don, sorry you are in the miserable zone right now. I don't think I am miserable, but I am unhappy, lost, off balance physically and mentally all the time, All the various symptoms from Parkinson to autonomic to behavioral to psych to everything else seem to leave little or no me anymore. Depressed, I guess, sure. My eyes are always playing games with me, and then there are the hallucinations. When I think about this, I can hardly see a reason to stay in the game. I am ruining my wife's life for sure. I guess I will keep on trying to play the game, which means living day to day in a bottomless pit of all this garbage. I blew my wife out this morning, and I don't know what the issue was anymore. She has returned to our place in the mountains. I read your blog entries to see that it is possible to live with all this stuff, albeit it in misery, anger and agitation. Like you, I am all of these things. I don't know anymore what to do or how to do it. Yes, we have a right to be pissed off big time. As for me, I only vent to my wife, and I worry about her, but I have everything in order here at the CCRC to take me to the end of the line. My wife will take of the emotional and humanity stuff, and the CCRC will be taking care of the mess and heavy lifting. My wife will be moving here soon because I am not ready for memory care, but I really can't continue without adult supervision from someone who cares. Keep blogging my friend, because it keeps you on your toes and it helps the rest of us.