Monday, June 18, 2018

FEELING MISERABLE!

Agitation and anger have me feeling miserable.  The day started out OK.  Breakfast, some time with my Wife, an appointment with my Psychologist, and two shopping stops, both productive and not stressful.  We ate a light lunch and I tried to nap with my Wife in her apartment.  She sleep well.  My agitation started then.  Why?  Phone calls with no purpose that interrupted our nap, and a feeling of anger that was bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.  We went to my dinning room and had dinner.  A nice meal, but due to a planned power outage this morning, the ice cream was soft.  That does not bother me, but it bothers my Wife and that bothers me.  We then went back to her apartment, watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, through the constant whining for attention from our 3 year old Chihuahua.  By 7 PM, I was ready to explode!  Now, I am back in the Cabin, pissed off, and feeling miserable.

This is a normal occurrence!  A cycle that repeats itself daily.  Why?  Maybe because I reall do not like being out of my comfort zone and that is made up of where I live.  Riding in a car is almost more than I can handle.  Things are too close and too fast for me to deal with.  Parking lots are danger zones for me.  Or, at least that is how I perceive them.

Another issues is the stress of normal, daily, life.   My Wife has had some medical tests and we are waiting the results.  It could be nothing, something minor, or something major.  That has me worried and up in the air.  She has always been the healthy one!  

I just can’t see clean air anywhere!  Just clouds, storms, and danger.  All of this weighs very heavy on me and makes me feel miserable.  Yes, I am whining.  I have a right too!

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Our Trip to Virginia Beach

Last Saturday Linda and I set out on a quickly planned trip to Virginia Beach.  I was NOT at all sure I could make the trip and you may recall I canceled last year’s attempt at the same trip.  But, Saturday morning, with Linda the sole driver, Shem Zeus the Wonder Dog and I embarked on a reunion trip that I badly needed and wanted.  However, I was not totally sure I could make the entire trip until we left Savannah on the second day of driving.

How did I do?  Well, I had a great hallucination in a traffic jam on I-95 just into Virginia.  We were dead stopped and I saw a brand new Camaro driving UP the on ramp.  It was as real as the cars around us.  There was a van coming down the on ramp into the stopped traffic and then as the van would have hit the Camaro, it disappeared!  I also had some serious anger out bursts.  The worst, that almost cost us a new passenger window happened in a gas a station as we came back into Florida.  We were maneuvering into a gas line that would matched the location of our gas filler and a woman in a Cadillac pulled in to the space we were trying to get into.  I POUNDED on the window and almost shattered it!  Linda sped out of the Gas Station because I was going to get out of the car and physically punish the driver of that Cadillac!

But, it was great to be with friends.  Al and Annette hosted us and treated us like family!  We spend time with our best friends, Jerry and Marcia and their adult children in a great period of reunion.  Al and Annette hosted a cook out for some of the folks I worked with!  That was special too.  So, the fellowship was well worth the aggravation.

I have had a “Pipe Dream” of moving back to Virginia since we moved too Pensacola.  I am emotionally empty without my Navy friends, especially Jerry and Marcia.   We looked at an over 62 apartment complex that we were familiar with.  It is beautiful and affordable, but not practical for me, now.  There are other possibilities but I realized Azalea Trace is where I will be for the rest of my life.    It is not a bad place, it s just not where I need to be emotionally.

Once I accepted that, I knew we needed to get on the road back to Florida.  I was emotionally spent, physically tired, and mentally defeated.  We are in the best place for us.  No argument.  I was the one who pushed to move here because I knew it was the best place for both of us.  I just need to make the final adjustment to my thought process and I am working on that now.

One wonderful surprise.  LInda’s birthday occurred while we were in Virginia and our SOn, James, flew in to take us out to lunch on Lnda’s birthday!  What a sweet, wonderful, loving gesture on his part!!

We got home today around noon and have made an attempt to unpack and recharge.   Believe both will take the rest of the weekend.   I am in the “Cabin” in the quiet of the evening, collecting my thoughts.  I am going to take a shower and sleep until I cannot sleep any more.