Saturday, May 26, 2018

Hallucination and anger update

Nobody who ever knew me would describe me as easy going, calm, or unemotional.  However, I could keep my cool If the situation demanded it.  After I retired from the Navy totally, I did calm down somewhat.  I have had some very emotional, violent, episodes that I am not proud of..  But, I have tried very hard, to control my temper because I knew it would get worse as the LBD progressed.  Well, the LBD has progressed and my anger, agitation, and explosive episodes have EXPLODED!!

Yesterday, the FEDEX delivery driver came speeding past the dog park doing at least 50 mph!  The campus speed limit is poster everywhere, at 15 mph,  He had just gone over a speed bump at 50 MPH!!!  I had seen his individual before and at that time, I could not chase him because I had the dog with me.  But this time, I was alone, doing some maintenance in the dog park!!!  I beat feet, cane and all, to the administration building where I knew he was going.  The landscaping person bear me ther in his small cart.  He had just nicely told the individual the speed limit was 15 and he was speeding.  Then, Lee, the landscaping person, tole toeh second in command here, who was outside of the admin building about the incident.  When I came on the scene, the FEDEX driver was getting mouthy with Lee and the manager!  I exploded!!  I told the FEDEX driver his day was about to get really bad.  Then the DIrector of Azalea Trace came on the scene and she took over.  Well, she took control of me and calmly walked me into the admin building.  She told me she would take care of the situation and I should go to my Cabin and relax.  I knew she was right and she handled me so respectfully and gently I wanted to do what she wanted.  But, I really wanted to kick that moron’s ass too.  But, I was a good boy.

These event happen more and more and I now feel I need to isolate myself from most group events.  Recently I also. Got agitated at a Town Hall meeting here.  Not a good thing.

Some of my agitation and anger is coming from the people at the Federal Long Term Insurance office that are handling my claim.   The have not paid us yet and now owe us two months,  We have had to pay Azalea Trace out of our pocket.  That cannot go on much longer.  Every time our bill gets submitted they find fault with it.  Either they are morons or Azalea Trace cannot submit a simple billing to and insurance company.  Either way, I am pissed about this issue 24/7!!

There there is the increase in hallucinations.  I saw a new Chrysler/Fiat Jeep Grand Cherokee in our drop off area when I was coming back from the dog park with Zeus yesterday.  It was a bright, clear day.  I clearly saw the Jeep, it was white, shiny , and I recognized it as one of the new residents.  But, even though I was only 50 feet from where I saw the Jeep, before we got to the Jeep it disappeared!  It did not drive off, or park in a space.  It just wasn’t there anymore!

This stuff is wearing on me!!    

4 comments:

  1. Please forgive me if you have told us this before, but do you have a low dose sedative that you could take on a daily basis? This really might provide you with a better quality of life. Thank you for this blog - my mother had LBD, and this helps me know what she went through.

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  2. When I go to the dinning room, I have to go down an elevator and then walk though a series of separate spaces, one being the pool room, which is like a small pool hall from the old days, with bar tables and chairs and stuff. During the meat of the day, there are usually several or more people shooting pool. Very organized, and most of the fellows are really good pool players. Anyway, I sometimes walk past and see the usual group back there doing their thing, then turn my head back in the direction I need to go to get to the dinning hall. I sometimes look back in the pool room to see something I know not what, and I notice that there is nobody there at all, just an empty room. I sometimes wonder when this happens if I never looked in the first place to see that it as empty, as opposed to thinking I had looked and seen a full room of people. So that my hallucination would have been in the thinking I had previously looked and seen people in there, when I had not in fact looked at all. Strange the things we think about when confronted with all the strange things that happen to us all day every day. What is normal, what is real, and where am I in relation to normal and real. I sure don't know.

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  3. Oh, and Don, I think we have the same FedEx and UPS drivings here at my CCRC. What amazes me is how the go over speed bumps at such high speed without breaking something important on their truck.

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  4. Mr. Fox, I also have LBD and I have really been struggling with hallucinations and anger episodes. This entry was so encouraging to me—to know that it’s not just me who experiences these. My husband has started saying, “Kathy, it’s not you, it’s the disease.” That too has been helpful. But you’re right, it is just so exhausting. When I think I can’t take another day of this, it really helps to check in to your blog. Thank you.

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