Advice for Caregivers and Spouses

Many of you know I spent 40 years with the United States Navy.  I was the Force Master Chief of the Surface Forces, Atlantic Fleet, a Command Master Chief of a Destroyer and an A-6 Air Squadron, Leading Gunners Mate on numerous ships.  The Gunner's Mate Detailer, and Instructor at Gun School, Great Lakes.  As a Civil Servant for the Navy, I was a Gun Mounts and Turrets Tech Rep, The Gun Systems Replacement Manager, the Programs Branch Head, the Search Radar Branch Head, and had numerous collateral duties of note, like the recovery of the USS Cole and the repair of the MCM's in Bahrain.  Needless to say, I had a very impressive, responsible, productive, Navy Career.

Now, my cognitive skills are not what they used to be and it shows, everyday.  The challenge for the caregiver or spouse is to NOT treat me like a mental midget!  A more correct way to express this is to say;  Spouses and caregivers should respect the Dementia Patients DIGNITY!  

I try, everyday, to be helpful, useful, and productive.  If I am asked to do something, I do it to the best of my ability.  And, although what I produce, write, make, may not be grammatically perfect, written the way you would write it, or done in a manner you would have, please don't redo what I did.  If you do not want to accept what I do, don't ask me to do it!   This treatment causes me to be angry, resentful and to withdraw from all contact!

Telling me I did not meet your expectations, through your actions, facial expressions, or comments, does nothing to make me feel useful or wanted.  Instead, those actions invoke feelings of uselessness and give me the idea I am not wanted.

Does this sound a little sensitive to you?  Well, I am sensitive.  I was a powerful man, able to do things most of you can't even imagine.  When I said things, brought forth facts, and made decisions, high ranking Navy Officers and Civilians listened and most often acted!!  Now, it seems there is nothing I can do right and no one that listens to me.

I have lost my Personal Dignity!

If you are a caregiver or spouse of a Dementia Patient, read and heed!