Tuesday, July 25, 2017

How I see things

Individuals with Dementia, especially Lewy Body Dementia, have perceptions that are not true or even based in a loose interpretation of the  facts.  I suffer from this.  It may be related to hallucinations.  I am not sure.  But, I know I have beliefs that come and go, that are not true, even though I think they are.  When do these perceptions occur?  Mostly at night, and especially when I am trying to go to sleep.  The perceptions cause my heart to race, my agitation to increase, and also cause me to get angry!  None of these are good for me. or anyone around me.

One of the issues of perceptions I have written about before is loss or theft of our savings and money in checking.  Truthfully, I do not manage our finances or even understand them.  But, at times, I am sure someone has their hand in our cookie jar!!

Another perception I have is no one really cares about me!  This normally manifests itself as a feeling of being abandoned, unwanted, and as a burden to everyone around me.  During these times, I want to be alone, living away from everyone, and isolated socially.  This is strange for a person who once was a hyper extrovert!  But, it is a perception that overwhelms me every night and most times I lay down to take a nap.  I have this all consuming feeling of being useless, unwanted, a burden, and someone everyone want to be rid of!   This issue has put my wife under extreme stress, even though she tries to hide it.  I have not discussed these perceptions with her, but she sees them.

We have an appointment with my neurologist in two weeks.  My views  will leave there with some new anti-depressant drug to try.  I am clear enough to know being off the anti-depressant is not working!  I have tried to research some of the anti-depressants out there, but I have had no success.

I believe and even hope, that sooner, rather than later, I will be living in Assisted Living, alone, away from noise, screaming television commercials, and people.  But, because of policies here where we live, that will have to wait until January 2018.    And no, I don't think they give waivers.  

Trust me, the later innings of this LBD game are brutal!!  And, a slough as I WAS,   I am no longer able to battle this foe.  I am defeated both mentally and physically.

1 comment:

  1. Feel the same way as far as abandoned, and wanting to be away from people. Feel they think I'm making it all up. I don't really know what to talk about or carry on a conversation. I've been depressed and I'm on pretty strong Meds. Knowing God has the plan, comforts me

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