Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The impact of my LBD on my wife

I am not an impartial observer when it comes to my Wife.  I love her with all my heart and I detest anything that causes her stress, emotional distress, or depression.   We have gone through numerous Navy Deployments, training times, yard periods out of home port, tech assist trips, and other times of forced separation over our almost 45 years of marriage.  She has had to deal with a number of surgeries including my colon surgery.  But, I have seen my LBD journey cause her more worry, depression, and distress than any other issue we have faced together.  Any other challenge we had to face, has an end date!  Each challenge always had a "Get Well" ending.  Even the removal of half of my colon because of a tumor had a prognosis of good health.  But, LBD only has a future of "Bad to Worse"!   And, we are now getting into the "Worse" stages of this disease.

I can see the stress in her face, in how she reacts to life, and how she tried to keep herself busy.  I know her coping skills and trust me, she is using everyone she has, all the time!   There is no help.  No support group and no one she chooses to confide in.  Instead, my Wife stoically suffers today and our future, on her own.   It is just he way.

Me, I am oblivious to the future.  LBD is taking away my ability to see any thing in the future.   Tomorrow is too far away for me to see or think of.   Tomorrow will just have to take care of itself.  I am too busy trying to deal with right now.

Just the same, the thing that pains me the most is how my LBD upsets the Lady I love.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for mentioning your wife. My husband of 56 yrs has LBD but suffered 2 strokes 4 years ago. Last night he had one of his deep dives. He couldn't communicate, his vision went crazy, and he couldn't figure out how to feed himself.

    We made the decision to move to a tiny house next door to our son last year. We had tried an over 55 community and found it unbearable. I'm so grateful we made this decision. Last night our son ran over and helped me judge Dad's condition. Being a caregiver to a spouse is God awful and very, very lonely. I feel beyond blessed to have my dear sons support so close.

    I was getting myself off paxil when my husband had his brain bleed. I don't remember how crazy and sick I was, but it took almost 2 years for my daughter-in-law to get over how I acted. After one really terrible day, my son and Doctor did an intervention and I went on a more user friendly medication. I was on the lowest level of paxil but still suffered terrible withdrawal. My decision to try another medication was based on my age (I don't have to live with side effects that many years)and the desire to make living with me easier for my loved ones.

    I truly know what you went through but your withdrawal was worse because LBD makes EVERYTHING worse. I have also noticed in our support groups that dementia makes a person very self focused and unable to think about anything but the past. Your ability to reason seems pretty good so maybe when you're on a "deep dive" you can try to focus on your loved ones and their future.