Thursday, June 29, 2017

Nights are still very difficult

Since I started the Effexor withdrawal, nights have been the most difficult time for me.  I have had some nights when I felt pretty good.  The electric zapping in my in brain was all but gone.  The pressurized feeling in my head had subsided also.  But, the last couple of nights, these issues have returned along with extreme depression and anxiety.   From what I have read, this is normal for those of us who choose to stop Effexor.  Some of what I have read, written by doctors and hospitals that know, tell me I may not succeed in this effort.  I would be devastated by that failure, even though it would not be totally my fault.  Effexor is a dangerous, powerful drug, that is extremely addictive.  It rewires the brain in ways science still does not understand!  Yet, they still prescribe it!  

Last night I felt so bad that I was seriously considering going back on Effexor or another anti-depressant drug, to help me cope.   But, right now, I still have some fight left.

One of the side effects that made me want to get off Effexor was the lack of emotions.  Getting off of Effexor has given me back my emotions.   But, since I did not have any emotions for such a long time, how long I cannot remember, dealing with emotions anew, is a challenge.  Yesterday, a staff member of ACTS, made a comment that plucked a nerve in me.  That individual made a comment that "I should not be walking with a cane.  I looked too health to need a cane!"  Well, that fired me up and I flame sprayed that individual.  I asked that person where they got their medical degree at?  I asked them if they were licensed in Florida to practice neurology?   Yes, I was angry.  Two neurologists and a physical therapist recommended I use a cane.  Seems like a no brainer!!  But, that individual thought they knew better.  I bet that person never talks to me again.

The moral of this story is two fold.  First of all;  I am emotionally raw.  My experience with LBD and my view that I do not have long to live, has stripped me of social skills.  The second part of the story is, individuals that work with senior citizens should learn to keep their opinions in their pocket!!

Again, nights suck!!  My days have not been all that good either.  And maybe, where  I am in my LBD journey will make stopping Effexor or a drug like Effexor, is impossible!    Only time will tell.  And when I know, you will too.

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