Friday, May 26, 2017

Trying to sleep, but my life keeps me awake

OK, I admit that the withdrawal form Effexor is difficult.  And going to sleep is very difficult and I have had to stay up latter than I want to, to get completely exhausted so I can finally go to sleep.   And during that awake time, m mind wanders back through my life.  The things I spent the majority of my life doing, and how useless it all seems to be to the world, my fellow citizens, and the people I live with.  Yes, when I was living the life of a career Enlisted man was exciting, dangerous, wild, and crazy.  And, all of us who served together through the Cold War, Vietnam, Lebanon, Libya, Central America, Iran/Iraq War, and various other then Classified operations believed that what we were doing was important.  Now, I am not sure my 66 years were well spent.

The prospect of death changes one's view of their life.  At least it has mine.  No one really, truly cares, or is interested in what I did.  The people I live with don't even believe I am telling the truth when I try to explain what I did.  To them, if I did not fly a fighter, I was nothing but a low priced enlisted slave.  What I did  had no value.  To be discarded is the worst fate of all.


  1. Here here! Every man on the ship is important...from the sailor who cooks the food, to those who make sure the ship doesn't sink!

    I want to assure you that your service WAS important. Yes, sometimes we take the sacrifices of our serviceman for granted. But, it is only because of their (and your) service that we are able enjoy the freedoms of this nation. And for that, I am thankful.

    May the Lord bless you and keep you!

  2. Don't underestimate the impact you had in the world - and perhaps more importantly - junior Sailors. I just spent the week with Duane and your name always comes up. Your fingerprints are all over an entire generation of leaders in the Navy and your influence is as powerful through them as it ever was.

  3. Absolutely don't underestimate your impact! I check your blog frequently, eager to read your words. My husband was diagnosed with Lewy Body Demensia a year and a half ago and your experience and feelings help me to better understand what he is going through. I anxiously wait to read your posts! You have no idea how much they help me in caring for my husband. I also appreciate your insight on serving our country in the Navy. Please know how much I appreciate your service and sacrifice!

  4. Thank you for your service Master Chief. Because of your service, hundreds of the younger generation sailors have better training, methods and equipment to carrying out their tasks then when you started the job.