Sunday, April 9, 2017

Walking on EMOTIONAL eggs as a caregiver

I grew up with older parents.  I was about 3,  4 , or 5 when Mom went through Menopause.   I did not understand her emotional distress and in 1954, there were no medicines to help.   Additionally, they had no money to go to the Doctor for help.  So, I got yelled at a lot, saw her cry a lot, and learned that things I said, and the manner or way I said them, often caused GIGANTIC issues, for me!   My Dad, worked extra hours and player pool!  He found distance was a good defense.  Me, I had none.

Then, as a Husband, I went through Menopause with my Wife.  I had more experience and more education that my Dad did.  Just the same, many times, no matter how hard I tried, I failed and came out as the villain, no matter what I did.   It seemed, no matter what I did, how well I planned, how well I did, what accomplishments I achieved, I was a dirty no good!!!  I was defenseless again!

It seems, some of my Wife's Menopause issues have resurfaced in recent years, most likely from the stress of being my caregiver and the worry of facing my early death.  I am sure, she always thought I would be her, healthy, capable of anything, bullet proof, do it all man like I was when I was 30!   So, I can assign little fault to Her for her emotional explosions that seem to come from no where and have no rational basis.

But those emotional explosions from my Wife cut me to the quick, when I am trying my best to be helpful around the home, friendly to people, and do my best to Serve God here at Azalea Trace.   I make every effort to hold my emotions in, so that I do not upset her,  Again, I know she has a full plate.  But, I need some consideration too.  Or, maybe that is just too much to expect.   In any case, It has been a difficult day for me from 30 minutes after we got up until now, when I go to bed.

This goes back to post I wrote a while ago.  Maybe the Patient and the Caregiver should NOT live together.  Maybe the patient living in Assisted Living makes sense.  What I do know is, I am tired of doing everything and having none of it meet the satisfaction of my wife.

Obviously, more night time drugs are needed!  


  1. my dad has lewey body's and I've noticed that no matter what my mom says to him he takes it personally-

    could you be miss reading her at all? example -she says look how nice the neighbor's yard looks-he says, I know I'm a slob!

  2. I'm so sorry. I also have Lewy Body and I can understand what you are going through. I know you are a man of God--what you are experiencing is not going unnoticed by the Lord. Enduring everything related to this awful disease produces perseverance and is "commendable befre God". And you will have a victor's crown one day!