Friday, February 17, 2017

Waking up disoriented and frightened!

The other night, I was just drifting off to sleep, alone in our bed, and I sat bolt upright completely unaware of where I was.  I did not know what State, City, home, room, or even the day or month!  I was lost.  It took a few minutes for that to pass as I looked around the bedroom and began to recognize where I was.

This has happened before, but this time I was more frightened.  

I had my six month check up this week with my Neurologist and she spent some time questioning on this event and then connecting it to my hallucinations.  They may be related.  I had not considered that.   But then, I am not a Neurologist.

We also addressed m night time anger and agitation.  I was diagnosed clonazepan  to take at night to help me with this.  I took it early in my journey and I remember it helping.  My Wife has a different memory of this drug.   One of the doctor's here in Pensacola changed it and I have had night time issues since then.  I hope it works this time.

Taking different drugs is an experiment every time.  We will see how this goes, starting tonight.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017


As I have written, we moved to a one bedroom apartment in late December.  We were in a 1200 sq ft two bedroom apartment and I never felt comfortable there.  I wandered around the community and talked to people, looked at different parts of the community, and looked at vacant apartments.  If I was in the apartment, I sat in my chair or went to bed.  I seldom used the other rooms except to escape the political discourse on television that my Wife liked to watch.  Then I would go in the second bedroom, which we used as an office and put my headphones on.

Now, in our 600 sq ft one bedroom, I am comfortable.  I feel safe and complete.  I seldom go out of the apartment to seek companionship or relaxation.  The apartment has become my "safe place".  I also love the view out of our living room winds.  Trees, large lawn, bushes, flowers, squirrels, butterflies, birds, and the changing weather.  Both Marcel the Wonder Poodle and I love the show out of that window.

I find this interesting since we spent much of our life chasing bigger, better, newer, and more modern!   Now, I seek a compact, safe, comfortable, apartment that holds me in it's soft, secure embrace.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

People, and their opinions, anger me

Trust me, I cleaned that title up!  I enjoy playing billiards on Wednesday and Sunday Evening.   I am even improving!  But, there are a couple of men that play those nights that are very, very liberal  ;politically!    And they like to espouse their left wing dribble when we play billiards.

Now, I am a very conservative person, politically.  But I seldom express m political views here at Azalea Trace, because I know some of my fellow residents are very liberal and I do not want to offend the,  But these two individuals do not seem to have the same common sense and decency that I have.

In any case,  last night the liberal pool players were on their game, politically that is.  And the aggravated me.  Now, I had two choices.  First choice;  Get very angry, verbally flame spray them,  therefore alleviating them.  This was a bad idea because I was beginning to feel my old "Kick some Ass" emotions beginning to rise.  The second choice was to leave.

Since I still want to be respectful of other people's feelings, I left, after winning the game we were playing.  I said nothing about why I was departing.  I just left.  I spent the rest of the night pretty upset!  But, no one got hurt!  And no one's feeling got hurt, I hope.

I am going to stop playing for a while, to see how my emotions settle out on the issue.  I am also going to cocoon for awhile, just to help me calm down.  Of course, last night I was going to destroy my Pool Cue!

Since so many folks deny I have LBD, they are not in tune with the idea that I have emotional control issues because of my disease.  The deny the impact of "Sundowning" and they show now concern for my well being.   Actually, they are a group of self-centered assholes who need their ass kicked!!  I wonder what the community punishment is for that offense.  No, I think I will just cocoon for a while.  Discretion IS the better part of valor.  I hope I remember that for a while longer.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I don't know what's happening; But it's happening fast!!!

My wife is showing the effects of the stress that comes because of the impact of LBD on me.   She denies it, to me, but I know.  Little things become overwhelming issues for her.  She is having memory issues of her own.  Short term memory issues caused by the stress of watching me deteriorate.    Difficulty doing things she really likes, because her mind just cannot process the steps to complete the task.  Even driving is becoming frustrating and difficult for her.   She recognizes these issues but will not address them.  I have asked her to, but she refuses.

It seems to me, our lives are falling into an abyss of confusion and dispair.  I have known for a long time that LBD would run my life, eventually.  Well, we are there, and there is not good.