Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Future doubts

When I was younger, and I went to bed, I  knew I was going to wake up in the morning!  I had plans, things I wanted and needed to do!  And don't tell me, you never felt that way because all of us did!  Now, when I go to bed, I have no assurance I will wake up in this world.  Truthfully, many times I hope I will NOT wake up in this world!  I now have no plans and nothing that I need to do.  Instead, all I can see is things and decisions that I messed up!!  Decisions I made wrong, things I wasted money  and time on, and people I hurt.  I see my sins and failures, not my accomplishments or successes!  As a matter of fact, based on the perspective I have now, I can't see anything I did of value.

Yes, hind sight IS 20/20!  It is always easier to judge what you did after it was done.  But, looking back at my life, I am not satisfied with my accomplishments.  I find no value in what I did in my life.  Why, because everything I stood for is being denigrated and trashed by the people I spent 40 years defending.  The people that I considered to be the slackers, the takers, the crooks, and the immoral ones are now touted as the "Greatest, Moral, Brave" ones!  Why did I spend countless years away from my family, doing what the leaders of America said I had to do, to be pissed on now!  Based on the conversations I have with the "Landed Gentry" I live around, I am worthless, never had any worth, and should not be allowed to exist, in America as they, the Landed Gentry, have engineered it to be.

I am also very concerned about the financial decisions I made concerning my Wife's future.  I hope we made the financially responsible decisions that ensure my Wife's financial security after I die.  Yes, ACTS has a program to meet the needs of residents that run out of money, if that was not their fault.  But, I still worry.  And that worry consumes me and robs me of any satisfaction in life.

Life is not as I thought it would be at this age.  I guess I was wrong about that too.




Monday, June 26, 2017

Impact of Effexor withdrawal

Well, it has been 7 or 8 weeks since I started the draw down from Effexor.  The side effects of doing away with Effexor have subsided somewhat.  The "Electric-zapping on my brain has diminished as well as the pressurized feeling.  I am more emotional that I was when I was on Effexor.  That is good, since I hated being a Zombie.   I do cry at the drop of a hat and for no apparent reason.  Not a big "JAG" of crying, but tears and emotional release just the same.  I now cry every time I think of the death of Marcel or Charrie!!  I miss both of them.  And, while on Effexor I was completely impotent, I am regaining sexual function again.  Another good thing.   (Although, my Wife might tell you I am a bit of a pest right now.)  But I am happy.

I am more introverted and more introspective than I was on Effexor.  I am sleeping well and I am not taking naps!  Those two may be connected, but I do not feel the need for a nap right now.

One thing that has surfaced in spades;  My unhappiness with living in Florida.  I have no Surface Navy friends and no Church friends.  I am as alone, socially, as if I lived in solitary confinement.  Yes, there are people her to talk to.  People I have nothing in common with, who have no respect for my life's experiences, and see no value in me because I was an Enlisted man.  I might as well be invisible. I have stopped playing billiards because there is no fellowship there.  Socially, I would be much better in Virginia.  Long term care considerations make this the place I will stay.  But, I am not happy about that.  But, my happiness is not any one's concern.

Being a Effexor Zombie had it's benefits, but I like being connected to my emotions.  So, I will just have to find a way to deal with the negative issues.  Just the same, I am confident that I did the right thing getting rid of Effexor.  More later;

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Quality of life vs Length of Life

I have suffered for over seven weeks as I withdraw from Effexor.  That journey has been documented on this site and is well documented on the Internet with academic papers from MAYO Clinic.  The reason I decided to get off Effexor was some very negative side effects that made my life worse than life without the drug.  The truth is, we have no control over the length of our life.  God determined the length of our life before we were formed in our Mother's womb! (Psalm 139)  But, we can have an impact on the quality of our life.

How, diet, exercise, following our Doctor's advice, not smoking, not abusing alcohol or drugs, and paying attention to our bodies reaction to the drugs we take!  Then, openly communicating the issues we face with our families and Doctors.  Every drug we take, has side effects.  Some are more important than others, but al side effects impact our quality of life.

For instance, I had a total emotional detachment while on Effexor.  Not emotional response to anything at all.  No tears, nothing!  I was also became completely impotent.  Now, after almost eight weeks of withdrawal issues, both of these sided effects are gone.  I am happy!

I would rather live well, enjoying life as it is presented to me, than be a zombie.  Yes, I suffer from some depression and yes, the withdrawal has been tough.  But, I am better off now and I have some other drugs I may try to delete from my treatment regimen also.  Of course, we will have to bounce those decisions off of my medical team.

Also, today was my MRI to determine if the brain damage from dementia has increased.  The Neurologist also wanted to see if I  had a stroke.  I am anxiously awaiting the results.

But now, I am going to relax and rest.  More later.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Appology

Recently, I have been a hot mess of negative emotions and anger.  Yes, there are reasons related to the progression of my LBD journey and the issues of withdrawal from Effexor.  That being said, there is no reason for me being as negative and mean as I have been on this blog and in my everyday life.  For this, I am sorry!!

Truthfully, I have just forgotten that Jesus walks with me and I am able to deal with anything in my life as long as I lean on Jesus!  I am human, and I just lost track of where I should be.  SO, I sincerely apologize to those of you who read this blog, the wonderful folks here at Azalea Trace, my Family, Friends, Shipmates and the poor strangers that have seen such a negative person.

I will say in my weak defense that this is a difficult journey that has increased in difficulty recently.  But, that truly is no excuse.  I trust the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!  There is no other in Heaven or on Earth that I need to overcome anything in my life.

Jesus got my by the neck tonight and shook me!!    I am back on track, thanks to Jesus now, so I again plead for your forgiveness and I thank God for getting me back on track.  No matter what happens, I am Heaven bound!!  Praise God!!

The impact of my LBD on my wife

I am not an impartial observer when it comes to my Wife.  I love her with all my heart and I detest anything that causes her stress, emotional distress, or depression.   We have gone through numerous Navy Deployments, training times, yard periods out of home port, tech assist trips, and other times of forced separation over our almost 45 years of marriage.  She has had to deal with a number of surgeries including my colon surgery.  But, I have seen my LBD journey cause her more worry, depression, and distress than any other issue we have faced together.  Any other challenge we had to face, has an end date!  Each challenge always had a "Get Well" ending.  Even the removal of half of my colon because of a tumor had a prognosis of good health.  But, LBD only has a future of "Bad to Worse"!   And, we are now getting into the "Worse" stages of this disease.

I can see the stress in her face, in how she reacts to life, and how she tried to keep herself busy.  I know her coping skills and trust me, she is using everyone she has, all the time!   There is no help.  No support group and no one she chooses to confide in.  Instead, my Wife stoically suffers today and our future, on her own.   It is just he way.

Me, I am oblivious to the future.  LBD is taking away my ability to see any thing in the future.   Tomorrow is too far away for me to see or think of.   Tomorrow will just have to take care of itself.  I am too busy trying to deal with right now.

Just the same, the thing that pains me the most is how my LBD upsets the Lady I love.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Thanks for the advice. NO, I WILL NOT go back on Effexor

I have thought long and hard, or at least as long and hard as LBD will permit, about going back on Effexor.  Yes, I agree, stopping Effexor may have accelerated my LBD issues.   But that is a small price to pay for the misery Effexor caused me.   The side effects of Effexor are insidious.   But, after a long time on the drug, I realize I was an emotional zombie in every way!

No, I would rather live alone in a locked room than go back on Effexor.   And think about it;  I never heard anyone tell a Heroin addict to go back on Heroin!  And when I was a drunk, no one ever told me that I should not stop drinking.  Am I having issues.  Yes.  But some of these issues are being caused by self-centered, egotistical, morons that believe they are the only people with the ability to reason.

No thank you.  I will NEVER take an anti depressant again.   The rest of the world will just have to learn to deal with me.  Or, they can leave me alone.  

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Let me open up about something

I am totally unhappy living in Pensacola and at the CCRC I live in.   Yes, Azalea Trace is a wonderful, luxurious, high class facility.  Yes, I have family I love here in Pensacola.   But, I am not in an environment that meets my socialization needs.  Neither Pensacola or the CCRC I live in has people that I share anything in common with!  It is not their fault and I try not to think the are being jerks on purpose.  They are rich, college educated, silver spoon people that have never done anything close to what I have done.  They did not grow up poor.  They are not blue collar.   I clearly am!

My journey with LBD has caused me, in increasing amounts and occurrences, to talk, think, and even hallucinate about my Navy times.   My mind is comfortable with the 40 years of my Navy life.   Maybe even obsessed!  I have no one to discuss Navy times with.  No one that was a Ship owner, a Division Chief, who ever had a sea detail station, chipped paint, world 24 hours a day until they dropped to pass a material inspection, repair a gun mount, or shoot Naval Gun Fire Support to keep the Marines save in Beirut or other combat situations.  No one knows what a "Hot Gun, Foul Bore" is or how dangerous that is!!  Nobody cares that my friend GMG 1 Red Mills died in a gun mount explosion off the coast of Vietnam!  No one cares about me, what I did, or who I am.

But all of those thoughts, experienced, fantasies, hallucinations, and events are all that I think of!!  

The problem is, what do I do?  Where do I go?  Is this the beginning of the end?   Do I push to move to Assisted or Memory Care now?  And WHY is any of this on my mind or even my problem?  Shouldn't these issues be someone else's responsibility?   If so, who do I turn too?

Look, I do not want to sound too dramatic, or even crazy, but I need help and I do not see any help on the horizon.  It seems irresponsible to leave me to make my own decisions when I think I am still in the Navy more times than not!    But the truth is, I do not live or operate in the present.  Ask anyone who real knows me.  Like Bo, John, or Jim, all men I play billiards with.  Or Rick, a retired Psychologist who's dog I walk sometimes.

Trust me, I am opening up more than ever before because, for the first time in a very long time, I am frightened!   This week, I intend to find a direction for the future.  If I can.

Two other points;  One, this week I threw in the towel on ever living in the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport Mississippi  (The Navy Home).  We are here at Azalea.  Linda cannot live in The Navy Home.  I MUST provide for her future.  So, that dream is dead.

Second;  I have not resigned myself to the reality that here is where I will remain until I die.  I will never live or have communion with Surface Navy Enlisted Men again.  Who I was has died.  But, who am I now.  Do I even exist anymore?  I believe I am an empty shell of my former self, with a video of my previous self playing 24/7/365 for anyone to see, if they were interested.  Which they are not.

LBD has taken over me.  Replace me with someone I do not know.  The old me lives in thoughts and sea stories, told to an empty room.

Last though for this post.  I do not even know who I CAN turn too.   I feel alone, lost, and disconnected from life.  Yes, I know my wife, son, grandsons, Allie, my middle Grandson's wife, my Best Friend Jerry and his wife, all care about me.   But, they do not see what I am going through.  They see what the wish I was or what I once was.  Maybe I hide my issues well.  I hate to disappoint them.  They love me and I love them.  But, I need help with the direction of my future.

There, over the last couple of hours,and through at least three editions,  I have told you in detail where I am.  Honestly, openly, and truthfully.   It hurts me to be open like this.  I have tears in my eyes as I am admitting my weakness, my fear, my inability to run my life, my frailty.   I am ashamed of the power LBD has over me.  But, it it what it is.  Lewy Body Dementia.

And "I still have miles to go before I sleep."





The frustration caused by LBD

I am sorry, but I do write plenty about the frustration I deal with in my LBD journey.  Things that should not bother me, DO!  Yes, there are drugs that can help with the.  I know because I am in the sixth week of sheer torture trying to get off of those types of drugs.

Why do I write about these issues?  Because person frustration, anger, animosity, and depression are all part of the LBD journey.  And maybe, just maybe, someone who is related to someone on a LBD journey will better understand their emotional baggage if they read what I am going through.  I have been blessed with an ability to express my emotions and I see that as a strong suit.

Just the same, I realize that has been a common thread for my writing lately.  But, I am where I am and it is what it it!  I just pray it helps others to understand the emotional journey LBD and all other Dementia's cause.  More later.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Improving!! One step at a time

Yes, it is 12:30 here in Pensacola.  I took an nap tonight and then played pool.   When I went to sleep at 3 PM, I felt the effects of the Effexor withdrawal.  Extremely cold hands and feet. headache, body pains, electric zapping in my head, and a pressurized head.  I woke up at 5:15 and it took me a while to get fully awake.  I went to play pool and when I cam home at 8 PM, I was starting to feel better.  We had some scrambled eggs and toast at about 9 PM and that really picked me up.

More and more, I feel a little better everyday.  It seems I have turned the corner on this Effexor withdrawal.  Yes, I sill have times everyday when I feel terrible.  But even the level of terrible is getting less.   But, I am having increasing times of feeling better, maybe even good.

I have written before that I read a paper on the Internet from MAYO Clinic that stated  the withdrawal from Effexor was worse than the withdrawal from Cocaine or Heroin!  I never used any illegal drugs.  But I did drink gallons of Bourbon and Beer and I can tell you I never felt this bad.  But, it seems the "hangover" is subsiding.   I remember times when I thought I was going to die.  That was replaced by the feeling that I was NOT going to die!!  Now I think I am going to live.


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Sorting old photographs

My withdrawal illness has brought about a burst of energy for my Wife to organize and sort decades of family photos.  Why, I am not sure since this has been on her list for a long time.  But, now, it seems to be the number one issue for her summer.  It may offer her an escape from my issues or it may be exactly what it is, an honest desire to get those photos identified and sorted.   Just the same, it keeps her busy and detached from my issues.  I believe that is good!

I have been doing some in-depth research about high blood pressure in LBD patients and autonomic dysfunction.  I cannot fine any connection between SSNRI withdrawal and high BP.   I have found some MAYO Clinic articles about Serotonin and autonomic dysfunction.  But, that was related to an increase in SSNRI drugs dosage not a decrease!!!   My next chase has been to see if SSNRI drugs help the autonomic portion of the brain control BP since my BP spiked after the Effexor drawdown.

But, the bottom line is, as I have stated before, I am a "lab rat".  Medical science has no earthly idea how any of the drugs prescribed for me have impacted me!!   Or, how the withdrawal will impact me in the future!

The truth is, my BP is somewhat better, but not back to normal and I am concerned it will never return to my 120/68 readings that I had before Effexor and the Effexor withdrawal.   Heck, I may not even live through this!  MAYO findings do connect autonomic dysfunction as it related to BP as an indicator of early death due to LBD.   We will see if my experiences track with MAYO's research.

Monday, June 12, 2017

You make me cry!!

We are approaching 350,000 views on this Blog!  It amazes me that you, the readers of my Blog, have found value in the things I have written about my journey with Lewy Body Dementia.   I knew from the beginning I was a "Lab Rat" and that my doctors were going to "Try" different things on me and do numerous tests to see what happened.  I have honestly, truthfully, and openly written about the effects of LBD on me and my family.   It has been an interesting and difficult journey.  But, it has been worthwhile because of those of you who read this Blog and reply to me about your journey or the journey of your loved one.

We are in this together and we can help each other through the trials and troubles of LBD.   I continue to write, even though it is difficult sometimes, because of you!!  Thanks!!

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Lost interest in things that used to interest me

One of our LBD family sent me a comment on loosing interest in things he used to love to do.  Now, he, like me, has lost interest in those activities.  It is somewhat unnerving in that things that once consumed our time, money, and our attention, are now little or no interest to us.   I loved shooting.  I was a big IDPA shooter and liked anything related to Defensive Pistol Shooting.   I was also active in the Friends of the NRA and Navy events.  I loved to cook out on the grill and have medium size groups over to enjoy time together.  Telling sea stories, discussing shooting disciplines, comparing trucks, all kept me involved.   Now, those things do not hold my interest.

Actually, few things hold my interest.  I do research LBD issues and Dementia issues in general including new trends in Dementia care.   But, that is about it.  I do not read, socialize, or play any games with the exception of 8-Ball once in a while.  Instead, I like solitude, quiet, and privacy.

I know other Dementia patients that have the same outlook, so while it is an issue we have to deal with, it is not something we should be concerned about.  Being introverted seems to be normal for those of us with Dementia in general.

On the other hand being alone all the time is not good for us.   We started a Dementia Support Group here at Azalea Trace that gives those of us with Dementia a weekly time to compare notes!!  I recommend all of us find a social out reach that meets our needs, based on where we are on our Dementia journey.

Thanks for the comments and inspiration!!

Saturday, June 10, 2017

New, old emotions

One of the reasons I wanted off of Effexor was that I had no emotional outlet!  I could not cry!!  I was like a zombie!   Well, I have been completely off Effexor for two weeks and in the entire drawdown for 5 weeks.  And boy do I have emotions now.  I can cry at the drop of a hat!  And while I am glad to have some emotional release back, I hope it becomes more controllable in the near future.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Dizzy, High BP, and some left side of my face and body feelings?

I have discussed many of the issues I have suffered during my Effexor withdrawal.   I also talked about my hands being very cold.  Today we rode the community bus to the Commissary and when we returned, I was very dizzy and I was cold and sweaty at the same time.   The left side of my face felt thick and a little numb.  We took a 5 hour nap after we got home and I woke up feeling better.  But, during the nap, it came into my mind;  When do I feel bad enough to push the HELP button?   The thought of going to the Emergency Room late in the evening does not appeal to me.  Needless to say, I DID NOT push the HELP button.  And I do feel pretty good after eating dinner.  My hands are warmer, I am not dizzy, and the strange feelings on the left side of my face and body have dissipated for the most part.   Just the same, I will watch my progress through the night.

Just the same, I am improving as the withdrawal issues subside.  Tomorrow is the end of the second week without and Effexor after a three week draw down.  This has been very difficult on me and while I am sure getting off Effexor is right for me, I have have asked myself WHY I ever started taking Effexor and why in the world the FDA permits this drug to be sold!!

I have been told by neurologists that I am a "Lab Rat".   I have been prescribed drugs where the Doctor said;  We will see what this does.  And some times, we stopped the drug quickly because of the side effects.  Other drugs required numerous increases in dosage that brought on the side effects slowly and in an invidious manner.  Now, after the end of Effexor, I will be on drugs I know help me with limited, manageable side effects.  Hopefully, if I live through this Effexor withdrawal syndrome, I will be on a staid course.  We will see.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Autonomic Dysfunction after Effexor

As you know, I went off Effexor in a Neurologist controlled withdrawal over 5 weeks ago.   The side effects of the withdrawal have been difficult at best.  The Brain Zapping, ear ringing, pressurized head, are all issues to be reckoned with.  But, there are some I am dealing with  I did not expect.  For instance, my Blood Pressure has gone up exponentially!!  Before I went off Effexor, my BP ran 120/68.  Now, it spikes at 162/110 and does not go lower that 140/80.  My cholesterol is 160 with a high "Good" HDL level and low bad cholesterol levels.  So, I do not believe that is the cause.  Instead, I believe it is a result of the increased Autonomic Dysfunction issues I have previously been DX with.

Another issue is the fact that Effexor med it so I had no emotional release.   Now, I have emotional reactions to any and every event.  And those emotions may be hyper elevated.  This is something I need to watch.

The Neurologist ordered some blood work to check for a stroke and had set up an MRI for the end of June, to check on the progression of my LBD and to check for strokes.   We will see what we will see.

One other topic;  I have done some research on the Internet about SSRI drugs.  Cleveland Clinic, Mayo Clinic, and others medical brain trusts have nothing but bad things to say about the side effects of SSRI drugs.  Yes, they help with depression and some people really need them.  I venture to say SSRI's give these folks better lives.  But, it was also evident to me that the SSRI class of drugs was over prescribed.  And since, Mayo now says getting off an SSRI is worse than the withdrawal from Cocaine and Heroine!!   In my case, I believe I was prescribes Effexor in effort or at least, had my prescription increased in error.    In any case, I am now dealing with the consequences of this drug and those issues may kill me!!  Oh well, I always knew I was a lab rat.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Effexor withdrawal Update

Today makes one week since I have been TOTALLY OFF Effexor.  I am improving and the withdrawal symptoms are decreasing.  I still have ringing in my ears but it is not as loud as it was.  I can actually hear my Wife speak.  I still am experiencing the "Electric Zapping" at night.  But again, it is not as intense as it was even a week ago. I am still grouchy, especially at night.  And the loud screaming, asinine commercials on Television drive me to distraction!  Why they believe screaming at me will cause me to spend money, is lost on me.    I also still have issues with my social filters.  If  am aggravated by something I hate, everyone in a 10 square mile radius will know it!!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my Psychologist,  That will be interesting!!  I bet he learns something about Effexor withdrawal!

The MRI is scheduled for 21 June.  Nothing happens fast in East Lower Alabama!

While I know I am suffering from agitation, some depression, and anger,  I still know getting off Effexor is the right decision!!

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Effexor withdrawal and my most recent visit to the Neurologist

Since I began the draw down of Effexor I have had numerous issues that are well documented on the Internet.    Electric Zaps in my brain, loud ringing in my ears, and head pressure have been the most prevalent issues and all of these are subsiding.  However, my Blood Pressure has gone way up.  162/102 was the highest recorded readings and it has not gone down much.  My Neurologist got me in quickly and my BP was still high, around 150/94.   A month ago it was 118/68 in my GP's office.  She believes it is related to the Effexor draw down.

She did a thorough exam and showed concern over my stability issues that have been progressing even before we decided to get off of Effexor.   She decided to order another MRI, to see if I may have suffered a small Stroke and to check on the Black spots and White spots in my previous MRI's.

I worked with a fellow in the Navy that used to say; "I don't know what's happening, but it is happening fast!"  He may have been right, related to my LBD journey.   So, next week, I will have another MRI and then I will await the results.  I am curious about the Black and White spots.  We will see what we will see.  More later.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The continuing saga of Effexor withdrawal

Today is the third day I have been totally without any Effexor.  This is the day, according to my Internet research, that my system is free of any of the drugs that make up Effexor.   From what I have read, quitting Effexor and the withdrawal from that drug, is worse that the withdrawal from Heroine and Cocaine!  In any case, this morning, my blood pressure spiked.  It was 160/102.  The nurses took it manually not with the BP machine!!  They took it again three hours later and it was 158/94.  About four weeks ago, in my GP's office it was 120/68.

Now, we know LBD impacts the Autonomic portion of the brain.  Along with my increased BP, I was cold as an ice cube!  My skin was very cold to the touch, even the Nurse Practitioner commented on it.  She told me to go relax and I took a nap.  I woke up at 5 PM and felt better, although I have not had my BP checked since 1:30 PM..

After the 1:30 PM check, I had my wife call the Neurologist's office and ask for an appointment.  They fit me in tomorrow at 2 PM.  That indicates to me  they are concerned also.  We will see what comes from that, but one thing is for sure, I WILL NOT EVER take an anti-depressant!

Since I got up at 5 PM, I do feel better,  The ringing in my ears is now only in my left ear.  I still have a slight headache, but I have refused to take anything for the pain, since the beginning of the drawdown!  

I just looked over this post and I realized, while I have written it in one sitting, it is very disconnected. That is how my brain is working and that makes sense since Effexor rewires the brain and the withdrawal process tries to put the wires back on the original posts!!   A tough process, as I can testify.

I will keep you informed of the process in hopes that other can learn from my misery.

Monday, May 29, 2017

I feel like hammered dog Do Do!

I was feeling physically and mentally bad for quite some time.  Recently I decided to ask my Neurologist to get me off of Effexor.  I had become convinced that Effexor was no longer benefiting me.  I knew the withdrawal would be difficult, but that was an understatement.

As we started the decrease in the dosage from 225 mg, to 150 mg, to 75 mg, and now to zero, my issues have increased.  Now, I have been without Effexor for two days.  The headaches and head pressurization, whack became terrible when I coughed, sneezed, or tried to blow my nose, have passed.  I still suffer, (and suffer is the correct word)  from numerous Electric Zaps in my brain and ears that sound like gun shots!!  I also have extremely LOUD ringing in my ears.  Now, my ears have had ringing since I was on the USS Mullinnix  (DD 944) in 1969!!  But this makes it difficult for me to hear.  Since the Internet says all of the Effexor will be out of my system Wednesday night, I have hopes these issues will pass.  In a nutshell, I am in misery.

Add to that misery the fact that we have been busy with the High School graduation of our youngest Grandson and the departure of our middle grandson to Boot Camp, and some responsibilities here at Azalea Trace, and you can see that I have not been able to hibernate like I would like.

I think, based on my personal experience and research, that Effexor is  a adequate drug to treat depression in the beginning.  But, like all SSRI drugs, it requires increases in dosage.  And at some point, looses it's effectiveness.  Getting off Effexor is a long, painful process that has not yet subsided. I pray I will start getting back to something that feels like "Normal" soon!!

Sunday, May 28, 2017

There is a difference between pity and respect

For those of us who have any form of Dementia, in my case LBD, how others react to us has an impact on the Dementia patients emotional stability!   Trust me, it is true.  

Now, what do I mean.  From diagnosis to death, our cognitive and mental abilities change.   Some individuals progress quickly, but most of us progress in spits and spurts.   The challenge is to understand where the Dementia patient is cognitively and physically, and then fit your response to where the individual is.   I realize this is difficult for you who deal with us.  But, not paying attention to our condition causes us, the Dementia patient, further frustration!!

I have a Grand Daughter in Law that pays particular attention to my progress.  Of course, she is in Nursing School so she has a good insight into my disease.

The bottom line is, you cannot expect me, or any other Dementia patient to do what they used to do, regardless of how good you think they are doing.  We do not function like we used too or how we would like to!   We will try to meet your expectations, probably to our own detriment, until we are so bad we cannot do anything.

There comes a time when the Dementia patient, including me, run up against their disease and finally stop trying to meet the expectations of others and succumb to the ravings of our disease.  When that time comes, and it has, we need your respect, help, and understanding.  These are not pity.  The simply are the way to help us be part of life while dealing with our disease.

 

Friday, May 26, 2017

Trying to sleep, but my life keeps me awake

OK, I admit that the withdrawal form Effexor is difficult.  And going to sleep is very difficult and I have had to stay up latter than I want to, to get completely exhausted so I can finally go to sleep.   And during that awake time, m mind wanders back through my life.  The things I spent the majority of my life doing, and how useless it all seems to be to the world, my fellow citizens, and the people I live with.  Yes, when I was living the life of a career Enlisted man was exciting, dangerous, wild, and crazy.  And, all of us who served together through the Cold War, Vietnam, Lebanon, Libya, Central America, Iran/Iraq War, and various other then Classified operations believed that what we were doing was important.  Now, I am not sure my 66 years were well spent.

The prospect of death changes one's view of their life.  At least it has mine.  No one really, truly cares, or is interested in what I did.  The people I live with don't even believe I am telling the truth when I try to explain what I did.  To them, if I did not fly a fighter, I was nothing but a low priced enlisted slave.  What I did  had no value.  To be discarded is the worst fate of all.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Living in a community I don't fit in.

The community I live in is a wonderful, luxurious, community.   I have written about this before.  But, the vast majority of the people that live here are over 80.  The community caters to people of that generation.  Nothing in the way of entertainment, eating venues, or care are modern, up to date, or state of the art.  There is an expansion of the Assisted Living and Skilled Care areas that is planned to start this year.  But, the first shovel of dirt has not been turned and it is almost June.  And while the plan for the extensions of these communities has a publicized Memory Support community, there is no information about these units or when they will be available.  With new Memory Support communities opening in Pensacola, I wonder if we made the right decision, based on the attitude here.

The present community has little capability to deal with Dementia patients.  My efforts to start a Memory Support group for those of us with Dementia was originally met with a brick wall from management and the nursing staff.  Persistence got the group started and now we are getting marginal, cursory support from management and the nursing staff.  But there is still NO publicity in any calendar or in the comment news ether about the group's meetings.  

Another issues is, since the average age is so high and so many of these folks still cling to Independent Living Apartments, there is little opportunity for younger Seniors to move in.   Many of these folks employ personal aids to take care of them in Independent Living apartments.  Sort of a personal, assisted living community!  That coupled with the fact that Azalea Trace is knows as a "Nursing Home" instead of a CCRC, does not help with the recruiting of younger residents.  But the "Nursing Home" reputation is well earned and deserved.

For instance, many people that live in Independent Living apartments cannot walk down stairs, use rotators or electric carts to move around, and if a FIRE broke out on a floor above the first floor, would be TRAPPED in their apartments, doomed to die.

Another issue for me is, the over 80 club that runs this place is also a bunch of retired Military Officers, most of which were reserves that never did anything, and all of them think Enlisted Personnel are personal servants who have no value and did nothing but scrub pots and clean toilets.  Trust me, you can't swing a Cat and not hit an O-6 around here!  (And I bet you do not know what the phrase "Swing a Cat" means!  No one here does, trust me.)

Maybe I am just having a difficult day.  I do have friends here, but no one that I am considered equal too.  I am always the "Burdened" individual in any conversation or situation.  I do many things to help the community including filling in for the Staff Chaplain for services and last year the Christmas Program.

Again, maybe this will pass, when I am 80!  The truth be told, I will be surprised if I make it to 67.


A bad day

Yesterday, I felt on top of the world.  The withdrawal symptoms had subsided and I felt the best I had in a long time.  Today, I have been in the doldrums.  The withdrawal symptoms are back and I am very depressed.  My Wife and I were discussing this tonight and she commented that yesterday was the regular meeting with my Dementia/Memory Support Group.

She is right.  That group helps me be me!  I am with others that are walking the same journey I am. We are related by diseases.  We support each other.  We are all very open with each other because we are comfortable and we trust each other.   Meeting with those people is good for me!

This support my belief that living in a community of that are on the same journey is good for us.  If I look back at my Navy career, I was always very comfortable and happy on ship with other Navy professionals.  We were experiencing the same things, helping each other, supporting each other, everyday.

Oh well.  I can look forward to next week's meeting.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Quitting Effexor. Progress report

I have been in the process of getting off Effexor.  I have taken Effexor for a long time.  How long, I cannot say.  I was taking 225mg every evening.  But, recently, I decided it was not helping, and since I am on a charge to get rid of any drugs that do not work, out it goes!  However, I have discovered that getting OFF of Effexor is much more difficult than getting ON Effexor!

The Neurologist, gave me a plan t taper off of the drug.  I dropped to 150mg for a week, and now 75mg for a week, and then NONE!  The first ten days was TERRIBLE!!  The withdrawal symptoms included a pressurized feeling in my head that was horrific.  But today is the 11 day of the draw down and I feel almost normal!  I have more energy and I have some zip in my step.  I do not see any increase in my depression so my estimation that the drug was not doing me any good may have been correct.  We will save the final verdict until I am completely off of Effexor for a week.

Do anti-depression drugs work?  I think so and some people need them.  I may have needed them in the beginning, but I do not want to take them anymore.  I do have a prescription for a different anti-depressant if I need it, but my hope are that I can stay away from that type of drug.   We will see. 

Our Memory Support Group

We started a Memory Support Group here at Azalea Trace based on other disease support groups, specifically directed at those with Memory issues.  The group has grown in participation and in support and is now ready to expand again.  We now have a  professional facilitator from Covenant Care that meets with us once a month.   We have an association with Sacred Heart Neurological Group that provides a Doctor to meet with us once a quarter.  We have established a library of Dementia Pamphlets from the National Institute of Health and some books like "The 36 Hour Day".  

But the best part of the group is the trust and comeradere of the group members.   We help each other!   It is great to be part of a comfortable, accepting, community of people that are going through many of the same issues.   Being able to openly discuss personal issues, knowing no one will judge you for those issues, is reassuring and enabling!

  

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Difficulty expressing myself

I have started  two or three posts, only to delete them because I CANNOT express myself.  Things start out fine, and then, I am at a loss for words.  I was trying to go to sleep tonight, but I wanted to post this, to let you know why I a experiencing.

I am down to one Effexor 75mg, starting today and things are going moderately well.  The first week was the most difficult.  That was the week I went from three 75mg pills to two.  But, again, my memory of this entire process is fuzzy.  I have only been on this draw down one week!  I am confused.
The last week seemed like two weeks.  So, I guess the first part of the week was bad and the end of the month was better.  Tonight was the first one pill night.  We will see how this goes.

When I try to go to sleep, I get more agitated and more negative in my thoughts.  This is probably related to my med changes.  We will see.

On a positive note, I was blessed with the opportunity to perform the marriage of our Middle Grandson and his beautiful new Wife.  The remind Linda and I of us when we were first married.  It was a wonderful ceremony and reception and although I was very tired after the event, I was very happy I could be there and perform the marriage.  Again, it was a blessing for me.

Our youngest Grandson graduates from High School this week.  Another blessing.

I did some research and the National Institute of Health has a wonderful pamphlet on Lewy Body Dementia.  It is free and can be ordered online from NIH.  They have others relating to Dementia that also have value to the LBD caregiver.  Check them out.

I also did some research on my issues caused by the impact of LBD on the Autonomic portion of my brain.  I have mentioned before that I have had sexual performance issues.  I am now completely impotent.  Nothing works!  And it is because of the autonomic issues related to LBD.  It does not make me feel better about this issue, but it does help me understand it better.   I ma also having increasing difficulties swelling.  I choke and cough often after swallowing any liquid.   This is an autonomic issue too, along with my issues with fluctuating BP and body temperature.  All signs this disease is getting worse.

There, I did it.  Not pretty, not connected, but you know what I am going through.  That was always my goal.  More later.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Med update

I believe I posted about stopping Clonozipan.  I did that without consulting my Neurologist.  Since I was on that drug for such a short time, I felt comfortable with that and the doctor knows now and agreed with our reasoning.  I also wanted to get off of Effexor.   The neurologist has agreed to that move and gave me a plan to slowly get off of it.  I have been on Effexor for a long time and it has stopped working if it ever worked at all.

I am on a quest to delete any drugs from my treatment that we believe, do not help me.   I see no reason to take drugs that have serious side effects,  if they do not help me.

The Neurologist cautioned us that getting off Effexor may have it's own side effects.  Like more memory loss!   Also, more night agitation and increased anger issues!  Linda will have to keep track of my progress and the Neurologist told her to call if I have any negative changes.  We will see.

Thoughts of the past

This morning, I woke up thinking about a Navy Shipmate named Robert "Red" Mills.  He and I went to MK 42 "C" School at Great Lakes in 1970-71.   He was a First Class Gunner's Mate who worked ASROC all his career and I was a GMG3 who worked MK 42 gun mounts for two years.  He was the Class Leader and he took me under his wing.  We watched Monday Night Football with his family in the "Flintstone" Navy Housing at SSC Great Lakes.   They had one of those "Dime Store" turtles that survived!!   That turtle was HUGE!!

In any case, when we graduated he went to the USS Stoddart (DDG 22) and I went to the USS Stein (DE 1065).   Red was killed during Combat Actions against the North Vietnamese in 1972.  They had a Misfire, Foul Bore, that they had difficulty clearing and the ammunition cooked off in the gun bore, 22 minutes into the foul bore declaration, killing Red and another three other men.  His death overwhelmed me then and still haunts me today.   Red died 45 years ago!  Yet now, I cannot get Red out of my mind.

As a career Gunner's Mate, I had a number of "Foul Bore" situations that should have ended the same way!  Only God knows why they did not.

I found Red's name on the Virtual Vietnam Wall and some comments left on the names of the other three that died because of that incident.

But now, at the end of my life, the circumstances of Red's death are forefront in my mind.   Why, I do not know.  Maybe I will see Red in Heaven.  


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Update;

I have not posted since Marcel's passing.  I miss him, tell him it's time to go to bed, and have seen him walking around the apartment a number of times.    His death has impacted me and possibly impacted the progression of my LBD.   Why do I say that?  I wrote about the addition of Clonizapan.  I do not remember how long I took it before the positive effects of the medicine decreased.  But, I then called the Neurologist and asked for an increase in the amount of the drug.  She doubled it and it helped for a couple of days and then stopped working all together.  So, I stopped taking it about 8 days ago.

Coupled with this, I have become more emotional, agitated, and angry.  I stay in our apartment the vast majority of the time and do not socialize very much at all.   I do enjoy watching the squirrels and birds outside of our patio doors.  It is the best show for me to watch.  However, it stops at dusk.

I had a difficult birthday as things did not turn out like we had planned.  So, we stayed in and did nothing.  That depressed me even more.

I have talked to my Wife about these issues, and also have opened up about some issues that have impacted me from my past.   Talking "Navy" is one thing that unwinds me.  But issues that date all the way back to my birth still haunt me.

The bottom line is, I am NOT doing well at all.  The LBD has progressed.  Even my stability walking has gotten worse.  These issues have caused us to cancel our trip back to Virginia since riding in the car is a big agitation for me also!!  

I have always said I will continue to write this Blog until I can no longer do it.   And I will, but I believe I will be posting less, just because I have difficulty expressing what is happening inside of my brain.

More as I can..

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Pensacola Obituary: Marcel Dolence

Marcel Dolence, Miniature Poodle, 14 hers old in Human years, passed away today, 22 April 2017, In Pensacola Florida.  He was a long time resident of Virginia Beach Virginia.  He was born in the finger Lakes Region of New York.

I lost my best friend today.  He was my Velcro puppy, always by my side, always loving, and always forgiving of my foibles.  Marcel and I fell in love when I first met him.  He was a small puppy my Son and Daughter in Law had just adopted and he and I were made for each other.  I loved him!!  From the first time I saw Him, I wanted him tone my puppy and he wanted to be my friend!  I will always love him.

As he aged, he had some serious health issues.  A seizure about 5 years ago that lead to the discovery of Hypothyroidism.  Later, a heart murmur that required medication and continued to get worse.  He lost most of his hair due to the Hypothyroidism in the last year and he had many bumps, boils, and hot spots.  Yet, he was always gentle, loving, and calm.

Marcel could not stand to be away from me.  Last year, we took a trip without him and he nearly died! He looked like he was on his last legs when we got home.  We went to the Vet, nursed him back to health, and had a good last year together.

Marcel even let a homeless, elderly, miniature poodle invade his home.  Cherie was sickly and neglected but he befriended her, shared me with her, and she had three years of relatively good health before we needed to have her put down at 15 ½ .  Marcel missed her and grieved for Cherie until the day he died, today.

I love Marcel and He will always be in my heart.  When I die, his cremains will be placed in my coffin.  I will always miss him.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Caring for a Dementia patient.

I have read extensively on the topic of caring for a dementia patient.  Most of what I read is directed at the drugs available for the patient to slow down the progression of the disease and calm the patient.  There are also extensive writings on what drugs NOT to give to those of us with LBD.

All of this research is very valuable and worthwhile.  But, none of it addresses the patients need, hunger, and desperation to be intimately touched by the ones he or she loves.  Hugging, kissing, sitting close holding hands, cuddling in bed help calm the dementia patient and make him or her feel loved, important, and wanted.  Even listening to a story told many times by thee patient give that person self worth.

Putting it personally, there is little I can do to show my usefulness to how worthwhile I am.  I cannot work, drive, even perform sexually anymore.  As kiss, hug, closeness in bed or on the sofa bring back times of intimate relationships.  Times of love and vibrancy,

Instead, we are left alone in our lift chair, or taking a nap alone, while the spouse continues his or her active, normal life.  The patient is an after thought or worse, a burden.  Who is going to sit wit Him while I go out to play?  Kenny Rodger's song "Ruby, don't take your love to town"  illustrates the emotions and frustrations of the handicapped individual.

Please don't replace us with activities that you could do after we pass!  I have seen this happen to many times.  Now, when the Dementia has progressed to the point where the patient is only a shell of his or herself, shorter visits, less in-depth conversations, and fewer memory exercises may be warranted  But that Dementia patient, no matter war stage their Dementia is in, needs, requires, and searches out that intimate connection from humans and predominately from the Human they love!

Do care givers need a break?  Certainly.  Is respite care valuable and necessary?  Yes.  But doing your thing while the patient wastes away in the chair is not care giving,  It is torture, for the patient.  I know I have little or no value.  But, telling me by you actions and interest that do not relate to me only make me feel more worthless and tell me you really do not care anymore.  When we realize that is the case, Dementia patients tend to sit down and retract into their cocoon.  They sleep more, eat less, participate less in any activities, and refuse to do things they once enjoyed,  Why, because they were told they are now useless, unwanted, and even repulsive.

As  progress I see these things occurring in my life and impacting me more and more.  There truly is nothing I enjoy to do.   My worth is that of a little child.  Sit there, don't tough anything, be quite, and don't embarrass me.

PS:  One more important point.  Dementia, no matter what type is a death sentence.  We are dieing because our brain is failing,  We may mentally die before our body quite.  But we are going quick. Drugs slow the progression of the cognitive decking, sometimes!  But, death is just around the corner just the same.  That kiss, hug, special whisper in the ear may be the last one your Dementia patient hears.

I encourage you to think about your relationship with your special Dementia patient.  How do you treat and interact with him or her.  Put yourself mentally, in their position, an then see if you would like the treatment.  It could be an eye opener.


Thursday, April 20, 2017

This HAS been a great life!

I realize the nature of LBD causes me to complain.  I am sorry, but there are plenty of issues that give me a reason to complain.  Just the same, I have had a very good run the first half my LBD journey.  Thanks to a great Neurologist, Dr. Mary Alliston Bowles, in Norfolk Virginia, I have been on Razadyne and Namenda and depression meds that have slowed the progress of this "always advancing" disease.

Recently, those drugs have started to loose their battle with the progression of my LBD and I have experienced more issues, as I have reported.  My Neurologist here in Pensacola, Dr. James King, and his Nurse Practitioner, Lacy Hilton, have increased my dosage of Clonizipan and that has calmed me down at night.  So, I am now more relaxed and calm at night and I can go to sleep easily and sat asleep.   I am sure this will require continuous increases to continue the positive effect.  I accept that.

I have become very reflective, and I realize my life has been pretty good.  It started out in poverty, as a throw away unwanted child.  But, because of the love of two wonderful people, Addison and Evelyn Mills, I was raised well and given great moral values.  School was not my style but the United States Navy fit me to a "T"!   That "Dream Career" lasted 40 years!  MY other Dream has been my wife, Linda.  An intelligent person who shows Christ's Love in everything she does.  God used Her to guide me to Jesus Christ and then to make me usable to God in Children's Ministry and as an Associate Pastor.

Now, we live at Azalea Trace, my third career, truthfully.  I have the opportunity to help the Staff Chaplain and we have established a Memory Support Group to help other Dementia patients.   This group keeps me in a positive state of mind.

So, as my mind diminishes and my physical capabilities decrease, I still find happiness helping others and in turn, being helped by them.  I try to present a Positive Attitude to everyone I meet in the hallways or in the dinning room.  Because, I know each of them have their own physical and cognitive issues.  We are a family here at Azalea Trace.

So, I apologize for being so negative and complaining.  There are reasons and excuses, but they are not as important as me making every effort to be thankful to God for the wonderful life I have had.   I have NO FEAR of death and I am sure it is closer than ever before.  Even closer than it was when I was a Navy Gunner's Mate.  And I am totally at ease and comfortable with God's next planned step in my life.  As a matter of fact, I look forward to it and embrace it!  Life has been very good.  Praise God!!

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Walking on EMOTIONAL eggs as a caregiver

I grew up with older parents.  I was about 3,  4 , or 5 when Mom went through Menopause.   I did not understand her emotional distress and in 1954, there were no medicines to help.   Additionally, they had no money to go to the Doctor for help.  So, I got yelled at a lot, saw her cry a lot, and learned that things I said, and the manner or way I said them, often caused GIGANTIC issues, for me!   My Dad, worked extra hours and player pool!  He found distance was a good defense.  Me, I had none.

Then, as a Husband, I went through Menopause with my Wife.  I had more experience and more education that my Dad did.  Just the same, many times, no matter how hard I tried, I failed and came out as the villain, no matter what I did.   It seemed, no matter what I did, how well I planned, how well I did, what accomplishments I achieved, I was a dirty no good!!!  I was defenseless again!

It seems, some of my Wife's Menopause issues have resurfaced in recent years, most likely from the stress of being my caregiver and the worry of facing my early death.  I am sure, she always thought I would be her, healthy, capable of anything, bullet proof, do it all man like I was when I was 30!   So, I can assign little fault to Her for her emotional explosions that seem to come from no where and have no rational basis.

But those emotional explosions from my Wife cut me to the quick, when I am trying my best to be helpful around the home, friendly to people, and do my best to Serve God here at Azalea Trace.   I make every effort to hold my emotions in, so that I do not upset her,  Again, I know she has a full plate.  But, I need some consideration too.  Or, maybe that is just too much to expect.   In any case, It has been a difficult day for me from 30 minutes after we got up until now, when I go to bed.

This goes back to post I wrote a while ago.  Maybe the Patient and the Caregiver should NOT live together.  Maybe the patient living in Assisted Living makes sense.  What I do know is, I am tired of doing everything and having none of it meet the satisfaction of my wife.

Obviously, more night time drugs are needed!  



Friday, April 7, 2017

My thanks to Azalea Trace and Lacy Hilton of Sacred Heart Neurological

Six months ago, we started a "Dementia Patients Support Group" here at Azalea Trace.   We meet every week for an hour and help each other deal with our individual Dementia Journeys.  Tonight, the Nurse Practitioner at my Neurologist's Office, Lacy Hilton, had dinner with those of us in the Dementia Patent's Support Group.  We had all the members of the group, their spouses, and the Nurse Practitioner from Azalea Trace, Missy Clements, in attendance.

It was a wonderful meal and time of fellowship.  But the information Lacy provided was the best part of the evening.  After she gave us an update on the latest research in Dementia care, Lacy answered questions and interacted, personally, with each member of the group.  Her factual approach and reassuring nature helped each member of our group feel at ease and open.

Having The Sacred Heart Neurological Group ready to interact with Dementia patients and their care givers is a blessing to all of us.  Future meetings are planned and more outreach is needed here at Azalea Trace and through the country.  People need to understand Dementia, not run from it.

Again, I thank the medical team and Administration here at Azalea Trace for setting the stage for this type of personal education program and Lacy Hilton for starting what will become the model for other retirement communities to follow!

It was a Great night!!

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Hallucinations

People with LBD normally deal with Hallucinations.  It is a normal symptom of this disease.  I have had Hallucinations, off and on, since the beginning.   I have seen horses in my back yard, men crossing the freeway in heavy traffic, cars ready to hit us, all sorts of animals around me, and recently a man poking in our patio window.  I have also experienced vocal Hallucinations where I hear voices that I recognize and do not recognize, calling my name or asking me questions.  Additionally, I still experience touch Hallucinations where I feel someone or something walking on me in the bed or someone touching y shoulder to back when I am alone in the bed.

Some of these have been frightening and some not.  I have recently been startled by men I see, approaching me, when I am walking the dog in the day or the evening.   That is probably because of the progression of the disease.

I know other LBD patients that have similar Hallucinations.  Again, some frightening and some just things they see.   The truth is, LBD is a disease that has Ups and Downs and Hallucinations are part of that.  It is not abnormal for a person's Hallucinations to stop for a while and then return with a vengeance!   These occurrences are normal!  So, try to deal with them like the other issues of our disease.  I understand it is difficult, especially if your Hallucinations are unnerving or frightening.

I actually have had a Hallucination that scared me so much, I made a special appointment with my Psychologist to discuss it.   I have recommended before having a complete "Team" for your care including a Psychologist.  This is a disease that requires a complete team approach.  Trying to understand your experiences with LBD with only a GP or Neurologist is handicapping yourself, in my opinion.  Yes, I understand there are financial limitations, but if you can, build a team.

Hang in there.  Try to find a support group in your area. Look into the local Alzheimer's Association, a local hospital, or even a local College or University, for a support group.  The more support you have, the better your journey and the easier your family will be able to deal with the disease also.

Again, this is my advice based on my journey, so far.   I am not a medical professional of any type.  

Monday, March 27, 2017

An issue I can't remember

Earlier in my journey, I had an event where, I was sure then and I am still sure, that I was followed by a family member when I went out for a while to get a sandwich.  This morning, I was very bothered by something similar that I cannot remember.  Sounds strange, I know.  I was up before my wife and I was very agitated and upset over this, now unknown, issue.  Now I am very  upset by the issue and the fact I cannot remember what it is!!

I am also becoming more curt with people and I reply to people in a manner that is unfiltered and without respect to their feelings some times.  These issues are not constant but they are not announced either.  I do not know she they are going to occur!

This, coupled with an increase in very realistic hallucinations has caused me to realize things are getting worse.   I absolutely must stay in our apartment until February of 2018 to keep the monthly rate we have now.  

The LBD journey is getting more difficult and the decline is steeper.   I guess I will just have to get tougher.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

You don't look sick! Again

I discussed my anger over the comments of people on my journey with LBD with my Psychologist last Monday .  You know, the comments those self-proclaimed neurologists that work other jobs that tell us we are faking.  In any case my Neurologist tried to tell me those comments were actually "COMPLIMENTS"

I can see that.  It is like telling some very overweight woman; "You don't sweat bad for a Fat girl!"

Compliment my butt!  The people that tell me I look "normal" are telling me I am faking my disease like some "Welfare Queen".   You are lying to get money from the government!  You are faking to get sympathy!  You are pretending to have a disease they really cannot diagnose so you don't have to work.  

Let me state, that I disagree with my Psychologist, completely!  And that I think he had a FAKE Phd diploma from a Cracker Jack box.

There, I feel better.  Anyone want pancakes?

Friday, March 24, 2017

The other side of Dementia. The care giver's pain!

I know a man where we live that visits his wife, who has advanced Alzheimer's, every day.  He talks to her and tells her of the news, family happenings and the things he has done that day, to keep her informed of the life she is missing.  For three years, she has not talked, reacted to anything he said, his touch, kisses on the cheek, or even loud thunder and lightening!  She has her eyes open, but responds to nothing!

A few weeks ago, he planned a Birthday Party for her.  All of their children and grandchildren we in attendance.  There was a custom made Birthday cake and the party room in Skilled Care was decorated for a BIG Birthday Celebration.

He and the nursing staff moved his Wife into a wheel chair.  Before he pushed he into the decorated room for the surprise party, he told her; 'Happy Birthday Sweetheart!"  When they entered the room, to the family shouting "Happy Birthday Mom, Grandma, Great Grandma"  His wife, who has shown no voluntary movement or response to any stimuli for three years reached out for her husband's hand and squeezed it!!

My friend broke down and cried!

He told me later, "I never say anything in her presence that I do not want her to hear.  I always knew she was still there!"   That hand squeeze was worth everything to Him and Her!!

This is a good lesson in how to interact with those of us who have dementia.  We are still here.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

You don't look like you have Dementia! You don't look SICK!!

Those two statements send me into a rage!  If you have read my other posts, you already know that.  Today, we came home from Church and ate Lunch in the dinning room of Azalea Trace.  A wonderful meal, like all of them here.   We ate with a couple that we know and the woman is a leader in a Bible Study that my Wife is also a leader.  We are friends with them, have eaten with them before, and helped them with problems.  The husband asked me about my disease and how I was diagnosed.

I am very open about my journey.  I will openly, truthfully, describe everything that I have experienced to anyone interested.  And I answered his questions.

Then, after lunch, we split up, and I went to our apartment to let Marcel the Wonder Dog out, before his bladder broke.  My Wife was sidelined by the Wife of the man who questioned me about my LBD. She said;  Your Husband does not look or act sick.   He shows no signs of dementia!  

I have been told that by other folks here.  And truthfully, it is getting old and very difficult to deal with in a polite manner.

What actually, does a Mid-Term Dementia patient look like?  I drool, pee my pants, I have very thin skin that bleeds easily, scabs slowly, and refuses to heal.  I am unstable in my walking, use a cane all the time.  I seldom remember any one's name, do not drive the car anymore, at the recommendation of my Neurologist, and take enough prescription medicines to keep a small pharmacy in business until I die!!  And these are only the outside symptoms that a blind man on a galloping horse could see.

The people who pass judgment on my do not observe how bad my nights are, how confused I get.  The fact that I hallucinate realistic and sometimes frightening people, animals, and situations, often.  I have difficulty reading, do not know were I am, what day it is, or even what time of the day it is.   There are many other issues, but you get the idea.

How does a person with early cancer look?   How does a person with a colon tumor look?  I had a pre-cancerous colon tumor that caused me to have the ascending portion of my colon removed!!  I looked just fine!  

I am actually thinking of getting a name tag made that says;  I have Lewy Body Dementia!  I am NOT faking!  If you cannot deal with that, leave me alone!






Monday, March 6, 2017

The impacts of LBD; Part Two

I may be selfish and self-centered.  It is hard not to be when you are suffering from any incurable, progressive, life ending, disease like LBD.  Yes, the end can come slowly, but it IS coming.   And sooner than it would have if I did not have LBD; at least in theory.

I also know family and friends have their own lives.  Their jobs, families, hobbies, children, and home maintenance, to name just a few things that keep them from visiting and calling.   My Navy career took up the majority of my life from 1969 to 2010.   I neglected my family, son, parents, other relatives, and friends to do what the Navy needed me to do.  I volunteered for the tough assignments, rode deploying ships,  worked late to make sure my equipment worked, and avoided anything that looked like easy jobs. So, I do understand their position.

Just the same, I feel abandoned and neglected much of the time.  Are these feelings valid on my part?  I guess that depends on which side of the issue you are on.  I do not expect or deserve 24/7/365 care, visitation, and coddling.   But, once in a while would be welcomed.

So, that is the end of my self-centered complaining for the moment.  LBD IS a lonely disease.  And I have written before that I believe living in Assisted Living is better for the spouse of the Dementia patient because she would get the good times with me and I could be alone, in the care of the professionals, when I am being difficult.  But, she has to bee there to share the good ties or my theory is wrong.  I believe she will be.




Sunday, March 5, 2017

The impact of LBD on the spouse

We live in a retirement community that has a large population of older folks.  Many in very good health, others with serious health issues, and some that deny having serious health issues.  But I have watched how different diseases impact married relationships.   Some couples draw closer together and find new strength to find a way to live with the disease, closer together, more in love.

Yet, some couples fall apart, loose contact, and are no closer that two people that live in the same town.  I see spouses of Dementia patients that protect their spouse and shield them from life.  And I see spouses that dump their spouse in Assisted Living and never visit them.  The travel, go out, enjoy their new freedom, without the anchor of the Dementia Spouse to ruin their lives.   This "Disease Divorce" happens in all debilitating diseases that I see here.  So, Dementia is not the only Disease that causes this.

I completely realize I am difficult to live with.   That is why I asked the Neurologist to give me a medicine to calm me down and let me sleep at night.  And, since my LBD is getting WORSE I, more and more, don't want to be with people.  I refuse telephone calls, don't call people I used too, and do not pay attention to the world around me.  Many nights, I go to bed angry, depressed, and ready to fight anyone for any reason.  Of course, the Clonazapan finally takes hold and I go to sleep.

But soon, hopefully not for another ten months, I will move to the Memory Support Unit in Assisted Living.  I wonder how that will work out.  Right now, i have difficulties  being positive about anything in my life.


Friday, February 17, 2017

Waking up disoriented and frightened!

The other night, I was just drifting off to sleep, alone in our bed, and I sat bolt upright completely unaware of where I was.  I did not know what State, City, home, room, or even the day or month!  I was lost.  It took a few minutes for that to pass as I looked around the bedroom and began to recognize where I was.

This has happened before, but this time I was more frightened.  

I had my six month check up this week with my Neurologist and she spent some time questioning on this event and then connecting it to my hallucinations.  They may be related.  I had not considered that.   But then, I am not a Neurologist.

We also addressed m night time anger and agitation.  I was diagnosed clonazepan  to take at night to help me with this.  I took it early in my journey and I remember it helping.  My Wife has a different memory of this drug.   One of the doctor's here in Pensacola changed it and I have had night time issues since then.  I hope it works this time.

Taking different drugs is an experiment every time.  We will see how this goes, starting tonight.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Cocooning

As I have written, we moved to a one bedroom apartment in late December.  We were in a 1200 sq ft two bedroom apartment and I never felt comfortable there.  I wandered around the community and talked to people, looked at different parts of the community, and looked at vacant apartments.  If I was in the apartment, I sat in my chair or went to bed.  I seldom used the other rooms except to escape the political discourse on television that my Wife liked to watch.  Then I would go in the second bedroom, which we used as an office and put my headphones on.

Now, in our 600 sq ft one bedroom, I am comfortable.  I feel safe and complete.  I seldom go out of the apartment to seek companionship or relaxation.  The apartment has become my "safe place".  I also love the view out of our living room winds.  Trees, large lawn, bushes, flowers, squirrels, butterflies, birds, and the changing weather.  Both Marcel the Wonder Poodle and I love the show out of that window.

I find this interesting since we spent much of our life chasing bigger, better, newer, and more modern!   Now, I seek a compact, safe, comfortable, apartment that holds me in it's soft, secure embrace.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

People, and their opinions, anger me

Trust me, I cleaned that title up!  I enjoy playing billiards on Wednesday and Sunday Evening.   I am even improving!  But, there are a couple of men that play those nights that are very, very liberal  ;politically!    And they like to espouse their left wing dribble when we play billiards.

Now, I am a very conservative person, politically.  But I seldom express m political views here at Azalea Trace, because I know some of my fellow residents are very liberal and I do not want to offend the,  But these two individuals do not seem to have the same common sense and decency that I have.

In any case,  last night the liberal pool players were on their game, politically that is.  And the aggravated me.  Now, I had two choices.  First choice;  Get very angry, verbally flame spray them,  therefore alleviating them.  This was a bad idea because I was beginning to feel my old "Kick some Ass" emotions beginning to rise.  The second choice was to leave.

Since I still want to be respectful of other people's feelings, I left, after winning the game we were playing.  I said nothing about why I was departing.  I just left.  I spent the rest of the night pretty upset!  But, no one got hurt!  And no one's feeling got hurt, I hope.

I am going to stop playing for a while, to see how my emotions settle out on the issue.  I am also going to cocoon for awhile, just to help me calm down.  Of course, last night I was going to destroy my Pool Cue!

Since so many folks deny I have LBD, they are not in tune with the idea that I have emotional control issues because of my disease.  The deny the impact of "Sundowning" and they show now concern for my well being.   Actually, they are a group of self-centered assholes who need their ass kicked!!  I wonder what the community punishment is for that offense.  No, I think I will just cocoon for a while.  Discretion IS the better part of valor.  I hope I remember that for a while longer.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I don't know what's happening; But it's happening fast!!!

My wife is showing the effects of the stress that comes because of the impact of LBD on me.   She denies it, to me, but I know.  Little things become overwhelming issues for her.  She is having memory issues of her own.  Short term memory issues caused by the stress of watching me deteriorate.    Difficulty doing things she really likes, because her mind just cannot process the steps to complete the task.  Even driving is becoming frustrating and difficult for her.   She recognizes these issues but will not address them.  I have asked her to, but she refuses.

It seems to me, our lives are falling into an abyss of confusion and dispair.  I have known for a long time that LBD would run my life, eventually.  Well, we are there, and there is not good.  
 

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Thought: Does it make sense for a LBD patient and the spouse to live together?

Think for a moment.  I have Lewy Body Dementia.  I suffer from "Sundowning" and my evenings are difficult at best.  I try VERY HARD to keep an even keel for my Wife.  She does not understand what I a going through, even though I have tried to expelling things and she has scanned clinical information related to my disease from LBDA.Org.  So, as the sun goes down, we are on a different plain with different expectations.

I understand that she cannot possibly understand how noise, projects, personal demands, budget issues, and many other normal life matters negatively impact me.  She also cannot understand how hard I try to stay calm, and unexcited for HER well being.   Of course, all of this makes my life worse.

So, as I sit here, trying not to get upset by the morons on "Finding Bigfoot", and it cross my mind, maybe it is impossible for two people, one without Dementia and the other without Dementia, to live together.  Also, it may be a very bad idea for a spouse or other close relative to be a Dementia patient's caregiver.  Because the are NOT trained to care for us and they want us to be normal again.  They also want us to live forever, and that is not going to happen either.   But, the Wife, Husband, Child, wants their Husband, Wife, Father, to be normal and there always.   That emotion is normal, but not rational and not comforting to the Dementia patient.  At least, not to me.

And everything in my life has changed!  I am unable to have sex, drive, do simple tasks like math or budgets.  I get exhausted doing things I used to do all day and all night.  Everyday requires a nap.  The things I watched and did for intertwinement and recreation are now either too upsetting or beyond my capabilities.  The things I was interested in, passionate about, are now uninteresting because I KNOW I will never do them again.  All that I was is gone, dead, and I am a captive of LBD.

I am completely overloaded with frustration and anger.  I feel unimportant, not listened too, and ignored.  I also feel like a burden.  Because I have LBD, I do not meet anyone else's expectations.  And, to make me meet their expectations, they beat me with their reality!   Do this, look at this, what is your opinion on this future issue!  The temperature is too hot, now it is too cold!  Truthfully,  I don't care!  Just deal with it.

No, I believe, based on how I feel, that living in a Memory Support Facility would be better for me and also for my Wife.  The shock initially, would be emotional and traumatic.  And, since we just moved to this one bedroom apartment to reduce our cost of living, we have to live here one year before either of us moves to a higher level of care to keep that reduced cost.  So, I will stay in the apartment, trying to keep my emotions in check, and trying to pretend to be as normal as I can.

Remember, I try to write true emotions and to record the actual impact of this disease in this blog.  This is as real as I can get.  Don't hold it against me, just try to understand it.


Friday, January 27, 2017

Lewy Body Dementia is a LONELY disease!

My last post, some hours ago reflected on how Sundowning impacts my television viewing.  But LBD is a very lonely disease.  Yes, I talk to friends on the telephone, email them, and have individuals and couples here at Azalea Trace that I am friendly with and enjoy eating meals with in the dinning room or other activities.  But no deep friendships, people in my living room, or in-depth conversations.   My Wife is very introverted, she always has been.  Her parents were very secluded and secretive.  They have no friends and had limited contact with very few relatives, ever!  And while my Wife and I have a great relationship, I long for contact with my friends of the past.  People I have things in common with and share life experiences with.

But, alas, no one comes to visit.  

How television impacts me

I used to love ruff and tumble, gun fight programs.  Detectives, military, spy movies, hero defeats the bad guy, shows were my stock and trade.   I liked the excitement, I liked the fights and gun fights, I liked the violence.  It expressed some of things I did in my Navy career.  Those movies and series were me.

Now, especially in the evenings, those types of shows upset me and stress me out.  I get agitated angry, and frustrated.  I can actually feel my BP rise and my heart rate increase.  Neither of which are good for me since I already have issues with both.   So, we have decided those types of shows are off limits for my evening viewing.  It just makes sense for me and my Wife.  Remember, if I am having issues, she suffers from my agitation.

I realize this is because of "Sundowning", but knowing why does not make it easy to change my viewing habits.  And sometimes, I forget why things impact me.  

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The last of the move is done!

Today, I put up the drapes in the living for the third time!  It is a long story, but the end product is, after two types of curtain rods, three different types of curtains, and two lengths of brackets, not to mention numerous holes in the wall to patch, the drapes are up and we like them.  Then, today, we finally got the pantry organized.  So, all is done, we are fully moved in, and we are very happy with our decision to move to the one bedroom apartment.

One of the funny issues is doing the laundry.   We had a washer and dryer in our two bedroom and many times, I would decide I wanted to wash the pants I had on, or the under ware I had on, when I was loading the washing machine.  No issue right?  Well, yesterday, I got to the laundry room on the third deck and decided I needed to wash the Levi's I had on.  I thought, not a good idea!  I guess I will have to plan better in the future.

This was a good move for us in everyday.  We should have moved into a one bedroom first.  But, it it s what it is.  All is good now.  I feel better, sleep better, and the smaller apartment fits us better.




Wednesday, January 18, 2017

I am a prisoner!!

Last night, as I started to relax for sleep, I started a thought process about what I would do if my Wife would predecease me.  My thoughts immediately went to leaving Pensacola, moving back to Virginia Beach and all my friends.  Getting an apartment in an over 62 community.  Buying a new pick up truck and getting back into shooting!  Then, in a shock, it came to me;  Who was going to manage my medicines?!  

You see, without Linda, I can not put my medicines together for the week, well enough remember to take them!  I also cannot manage the budget, taxes, or the events of my day.  Oh yes, and I am not supposed to drive alone!  And, most likely, the next Neurologist's visit, I will not be able to drive at all.

The, I realized, I am where I will love until I die.  I am a prisoner for life.  Oh well, it is a nice place to be a prisoner.  The food is good, the living conditions are great, there is plenty to do, and the weather is good.  I guess I can deal with tis prison.

Today, I got to know another LBD patient!

I started a Dementia Support Group that meets every week here at Azalea Trace.   There is an individual that still lives in independent living like me, that I knew had Dementia of some sorts.  I ran into him at a local store and invited him to our meeting.  Today, him and his wife came to our meeting and I found out, he has LBD.  WOW!! Was I happy!!  Someone just like me.

He has many of the issues I have and he was as happy as I was to discuss issues with someone who has the same issues.  This is my dream come true.  His son is a Neurologist and agrees with his Father's diagnosis.  This is a gold mine for me and we both intend to continue to explore our condition.  I will keep you posted!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Loosing the ability to Preach

Since we moved into Azalea Trace, I have voluntarily helped the Staff Chaplain anytime he asked me.  I enjoy doing God's work and Jim provides me many opportunities.  He is very busy with funerals and hospital visits, considering the community I live in.  So, helping him, helps him serve others and for that I am glad.

The last four weeks I have stood in for Jim for the Tuesday Chapel Service in Skilled Nursing.  It is a well attended service complete with hymns, responsive reading, music provided by two very dedicated musicians,  and of course a Sermon.  Each time I stand in for Jim on Tuesday, I have to set up the entire service including selecting the Hymns and Responsive Reading as well as writing and delivering the Sermon.   It is the Order of Worship that has cause dmd increasing difficulty.  It seems I cannot translate the Hymn names and numbers from the Hymnal to the printed Order of Worship.   This confusion has become a source of humor for the two musicians.  They have to figure out what Hymn I really want.  One time, recently but not in this four week run, I used the wrongHymnal all together!   That caused some confusion for all of us!

I am also having issues and difficulties delivering the message.  I get confused with verses, cannot find them in the Bible unless I mark the pages or print out the verses on my script, and even then, I get confused.  More and more, I am feeling disconnected and disoriented even in familiar surroundings and doing familiar tasks.  

Many people do not catch my difficulties, but the Organist and Pianist both do.  They are kind about it and even find some humor in my difficulties which they share with me after the Service.  I actually appreciate they humor and enjoy the laugh.  But, things are getting difficult and I know m ability to deliver an understandable service are drawing to an end.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Restricted!!

The Activities Director is planning a trip to the USS Alabama next month.  It is on a Tuesday and I want to go.  Not as a tourist but as a tour guide for others.  I know more about Battleships than anyone here and most living people.   But, there is a problem, the trip happens on a Tuesday and that is one of my Wife's Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) days.  She told me I should not go because I get disoriented and tree and I most likely would have difficulties.  And she is very protective of me and does not want me alone if those issues occur.  So, I am restricted to Quarters!

I agree with her, in principle, but I think someone on the trip could help me if I needed it.  But, would they know what to look for in my actions and mental capabilities?  The obvious answer is no.  But it still bothers me that I no longer can go places that I want too, on my own.  It is an unavoidable fat of my LBD.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Changes, challenges, and frustrations

The last two weeks have been difficult.  We are completely moved into our new apartment.  Everything is in it's place, although we sometime have difficulty finding that PLACE!  But, we have not established a routine and that is causing me great difficulties.  I have not had a nap in two weeks!  My days do not have order.  That coupled with being busy since Christmas filling in for the staff Chaplain and I am overwhelmed.

I have become more confused, I have noticed my BP running higher, and last night I wet the bed.  So, the move has negatively impacted me and my LBD has definitely progressed.  Even writing this post is difficult because I cannot connect my thoughts to the keys.

Today, I had difficulty Preaching in Skilled Care because my ability to remember and deliver what I wrote was severely impaired!  I was not prepared for this and I am concerned I will not rebound, ever.


Sunday, January 8, 2017

Why did we move to a one bedroom apartment?

Living in a retirement community, you have to understand that many people want to monitor what you do.  Naturally, there is the management and staff.  That make perfect sense since they are responsible for our well being.  Then there are those "inquisitive" fellow residents that just have to know everything about you and your personal business!  Believe me, they ask some very personal questions!

So, naturally, we have been fully questioned about the reasons for our move.  Now, I know a number of folks that have "downsized" since we moved in over two years ago.  And I am very sure their under ware was thoroughly inspected also!  Still, it is a little aggravating to have the "Spanish Inquisition" directed at you every time you go for a meal!  But, here are the REAL reasons we moved.

First and foremost was our budget.  When we were offered the Two Bedroom Master, we did not thin we could afford it.  But, we were assured we could.  Well, numerous government programs and no COLA's convinced us we were right.  Now, we could drain our saving and sty in the two bedroom of another ten years.  But we are not people that spend every penny we have.  The move reduces our monthly outlay by $710 a month.  Nothing to sneeze at!

Second, having rooms you seldom use, furnishing them, cleaning them, heating and cooling them, makes little sense and also makes the electricity bill higher!  Additionally, people here at Azalea do not come to your home to socialize.  They socialize in the common areas.  The lounges, card rooms, Dinning Room, auditorium, and recreation facilities.  Their apartments are their private refuges.

Third, this move with it's reduction in rent, will also reduce the cost of any higher level of care either go us might require.  Now, we have to be in the One Bedroom for one year before we need that increased level of care to receive that benefit.  But, it is still a definite benefit.

Fourth,  a smaller, more cozy, apartment makes me feel more secure.   Remember, I have to know, every minute of every day, where my wife is.  If she was in the master bathroom and I was in the living room, I would call out and ask where she was!  In the one bedroom apartment, if I sit in y recliner, I can see every room and who is going where.  Seems silly to you, I know.  But that is how my LBD mind works.

And finally, I know I will most likely be a charter resident of the new Memory Support Facility that ACTS is adding during the soon to be started Assisted and Skilled Care facility expansion.  A one bedroom apartment would be good for my Wife with me living in a different part of Azalea.

So there you have it.  Our reasons for our move.  Oh, how do I answer the inquisitions here?  "WE moved because we wanted too!"



The MOVE; Post mortem

I wrote before that  the move, just 50 feet or so around the corridor, was very difficult.  It has impacted me in various ways.  Hallucinations have increased.  I am seeing people that obviously are not there.  I am more lost when we are in the car.  And I am very agitated!

Yesterday, we had to move a few things OUT of the apartment that just did not fit.  Our Son came to help and we were done in record time.  Now, all of the pictures are up, we have put almost everything in it's place, and our "Tiny House" apartment is starting to look like home.  I like it here!  I just have to get used to where everything is.


Thursday, January 5, 2017

The move, day 7. The last report!

We slept until 10AM today!!  Then we got busy putting things away, putting up art work and pictures, and getting rid of some things we moved into the new apartment.  Sometimes things you thought would fit, just don't!    Sometimes, you look at things you bought and ask yourself;  Why did we buy that!?

The apartment is beginning to look like home.   So, this will be the last report on the move.   It has been a very difficult process.  Tiring, emotionally and mentally draining, and overwhelming for me and Linda.   You would think moving 50 feet to another apartment could not be too difficult.  Not so.  At least not at this stage in our lives.  And, of course, downsizing has it's own issues.  But, we have found some creative places to store things!!

This move is good for us financially, health wise, and physically.  Our budget is in great shape because of this decision!  We have a smaller apartment to take care of, and we will have a lower rent now and lower long term care costs!  All in all, this move has positive long term budgetary benefits.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The move, day six!

The good news is, we are out of the two bedroom apartment.  We turned the keys in today!  The bad news is, we have pictures to hang and stuff to find a place for.  And while we have many things organized, we have quite a bit more to deal with.  I did get the drapes hung in our bedroom today.  That was something I wanted to do but never found time to do.   We also have our car loaded with things to deliver to our son and grandsons.

But right now, we are both completely worn out!  My legs hurt, I have had some hallucinations, and I am too mental exhausted to decide where things need to go.  So, we re going to bed with no alarm clocks!  While the move is not complete, it is close and we need the rest.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The MOVE, day five

OK, the two bedroom apartment is almost empty!  I have to take the pictures off the walls and the curtains down and mounted in our new bedroom.  That was supposed to be today, but, other things got in the way.   My wife got the kitchen completely organized today and that was a great undertaking, considering it is about ¼ the size of the other kitchen.

We are both worn out!  But, I have to have the apartment done and turned over by tomorrow.

Last night, I had a small medical issue.  I woke up about midnight, having to go to the bathroom.  I looked down at my skivvies and saw blood!   I called my wife who was still up and we discovered the right side of my scrotum was bleeding, rather strongly.  We used hydrogen peroxide to stop the bleeding and I went back to sleep.  It was no small amount of blood!   I saw the Nurse Practitioner today and she said the move caused it!!  I have been very sweaty, wearing levi's, and moving a lot, doing some heavy lifting.  Yes, I know I am not supposed to do that.  But, these things have to get done.  In any case, the sweat and chaffing caused a worn spot that bled later on.   No BIG deal!

This has been a tough move and I will be glad when we are done.  

Monday, January 2, 2017

The Move, Day four!

Last night it rained heavy!  Ferocious thunder and lightening!  So, sleep was difficult.  I had to get up early because the local dry cleaner was picking up two area rugs to clean.  Then, I had to get ready for the Chapel Service in the Skilled Care facility that is part of Azalea Trace.  I truly love leading those Worship services.  Both of those done, I went to work to help my Wife make progress emptying the old apartment.  We rented another truck to take some bedroom furniture to our son's home.   He came over to drive the truck and our youngest grandson and our son moved the  furniture.   During that event, the rains, thunder, and lightening came again, in a big way!  Even Tornado Warnings!  We also moved the cubes and now we are down to small items, more books, and papers, to put away.  We should have the old apartment empty tomorrow.

I will hang curtains in the bedroom and things on the walls tomorrow, I hope.

We sill have a lot to find places for.  Some things will not make it into the new apartment.  Some of those things have never been used!  For instance, we had enough obscure kitchen tools to start a restaurant!!   Since our kitchen is small, gourmet cooking is probably a thing of the past.  No big deal.

So, we made great progress today, but we are getting tired and worn out.  One more day of the big push and we should be living in one apartment.