Saturday, December 31, 2016

The MOVE, day two!

We are beat!  We moved all of the heavy, difficult furniture today, thanks to the great help from our son, two grandsons, soon to be granddaughter in law, and two of the grandsons friends.  But, it was a tough day.  But we will sleep in our new "Tiny House" apartment!   Things are fitting pretty well.  No anger outbursts.  Just good organization.  My wife has worked each night into the wee hours of the morning and then got up rely and hit it again!  She is amazing.

One decision that I made yesterday, came as a surprise to my wife and son.  I have been an avid gun collector and shooter for a long time.  But, I have sold off about half of my collection and kept what my son wanted to inherit.  I decided last night, that he needed to inherit them today!  So, we moved the safe to his house.  No small undertaking!  I believe this is a sane, intelligent, timely decision.  He deserves them and I really do not need to have them here.

So, we wil continue to put things away, move a few pieces of furniture tomorrow, and clean out the two bedroom apartment tomorrow and Monday.  Hopefully we will be ALL complete by Tuesday!!     I am worn out, sore, exhausted, and ready to sleep.  More tomorrow.

Friday, December 30, 2016

Move, day ONE!! A day of decisions

We took possession of our new, smaller, apartment this morning.  There were a few a few last minute cleaning issues that the staff rapidly solved.  Then we waited for the delivers of the new headboard, dresser, and sofa.  All of which came later than than advertised, but what's news.  The sofa had to be delivered over the porch railing and through the sliding glass doors!  But, it went smoothly.

Our son and two grandsons arrived after 4 to help us move some of the heavy things and the kitchen items.  As of 9:30 tonight, the kitchen is done, organized, and now we can get the living room and bedroom complete tomorrow morning.  Starting time is planned for 9 AM.

Some things just will not fit like we thought they would.  And our comfort and safety are our first priority.   Many folks here at Azalea have asked me why we are moving to a one bedroom apartment.  Yes we have a large, two bedroom apartment, with our own washer and dryer, dining room, and office.  But, at a high cost for space we seldom use.

Then there is the reality of my disease.  My death will reduce my wife's income and a lower cost of living will help with that.  If I need a higher level of care, the two bedroom apartment will really be too big and seldom used.  If I stay in the apartment for the foreseeable future, I will  be more comfortable in a smaller space because I feel more secure in that setting.  So, a one bedroom, 612 sq ft apartment is better for us than a 1200 sq ft two bedroom apartment.  Again, it is what is best for us.

I my wife and are realists and a planners.  This move reflects that attitude.  

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Our move is here!

Our new one bedroom apartment is almost ready.   There are a few, minor, finishing touches and we hope we get the keys tomorrow.  If so, we intend to start moving the kitchen first.  Plates into the cabinets, pots and pans, food, all moved and stored.  Then closets and storage items followed by the clothes.  Then we will move light, easy to move furniture and place the items in those pieces of furniture.  Of course, we ave to coordinate the delivery of a sofa.  Hopefully that will come on Friday or Saturday.

This move will be easier than most but promises to be as stressful as any cross country move.  I am looking forward to this being done.  I am not looking forward to doing it!!  I pray it will be done by Sunday.  We will see.

Stress is NOT good fro me in any way!  So, we will try to keep the stress to a minimum.  Stay tuned for more stories of the move.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas my friends and readers!!  I know, that this season is stressful, depressing, and full of sadness and despair.  It brings back bad memories of our childhood, family arguments, and other emotional baggage.  But, it should not!!  Christmas is meant to celebrate the unimaginable gift of the our undeserved salvation from our sins, from God, by the Birth of the promised Savior!!  The events of the past are erased as are the sins we committed by the Death, Burial, and Resurrection of Jesus the Christ.  If the Savior, who was Full GOD and Fully Man, had not became man, the price for our sins would not have been PAID and we would be destined for Eternal Damnation in Hell!

So, forget about those emotional issues, the past, and the bad times.  Instead, center yourself on Jesus Christ's birth.  Accept and celebrate GOD's perfect gift to you!!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Answers to a question

Recently, John L. sent me a reply asking some interesting questions about my journey.  Since I believe we are our OWN  support group, I believe it is important to address these issues.

John asled me if I had headaches with my leg pain.  Yes!  And the headaches came on when the leg pain got worse!   That seems interesting, now that he asked that question, although, I never drew the correlation before.  The headaches also are more intense when the pain is more intense.

He then asked if I had tinnitus.  I have had tinnitus since my early Navy days.  However, as I looked at this issue, as it relates to my LBD and the recent, exponential pain increase, I believe the tinnitus also increases with the leg pain and headaches.  Again, I would never have drawn that conclusion without John's question.

Again, no one understands what we are going through.  And if we do not let each other know what we are going through, no one will ever know what to expect.  And I have always wanted to know what was going to happen next and if what I was experiences was "normal" for the LBD journey.

Keep those cares and letters coming!  Merry Christmas!!

Monday, December 12, 2016

How can I deal with leg pain?

I have write that my leg pain has increased and has also progressed to my lower back.  I have also written that  finally have given in to using pain meds.  Now, I am on a search for a non-narcotic pain per that works.  My aversion to narcotics is based on the addictive nature of these drugs and the effect they have on my colon.  I had half of my colon removed for a tumor 15 years ago and constipation has become a problem because of the LBD.  So, I really want to stay off narcotic drugs.

I am trying Excedrin right now with limited success right now.  I may try Ibuprofen tonight.  I need to get this under control because the pain is preventing me from sleeping for any long periods.   Last night, I finally got up at 3:30 AM and stayed up because of the pain.

I am not complaining but only trying to record this issue for everyone to learn from since we are our own support group.  I find that my GP is useless for anything related to my LBD.The Neurologist is OK, but inexperienced.  I have asked my GP and the Neurologist to set me up with a Palliative Care Physician, but to date, they do not think I am at that stage yet.  I have a surprise for both of them;  Yes I am!

Friday, December 9, 2016

We are now in the Fourth Quarter!

Linda and I have both noticed some progressions of my LBD.   My memory is worse.  Time, days, months, years, have no meaning or consequence for me.  For instance, I just looked back and found out I have not posted since November 28!  I was sure it was just a day or so since I posted.  I struggle to find words and my ability to hold a conversation decreases the later in the day it gets.  Nights have become a time I hate!!  I am more unstable in my walking and my legs and back hurt all the time now.  This pain has become so intense I am now using pain relievers and if you know me, you know I avoid pain relievers almost all of the time.  Now, I can no longer deal with the constant pain.

Emotionally, I am tired, frustrated, angry, and although I try very hard to be cheerful in public, even that has become more of a chore!  The other day, a 90+ year old lady that lives here with s, was asking me if I was going to watch a College Football Game.   Instead of saying yes, or no, I gave her my real view of College Sports, and trust me, it is not pretty!!  Her reply was;  "I never though about it that way!"

I am also very easy to startle!  Anything out of the norm startles me and I become jumpy and defensive immediately!!  My wife has to be careful waling into the bathroom when I am in there brushing my teeth because I do not hear her moving my way and when I see her, I draw my fists up ready to fight!!

And since I live in my past and not the today, I am now overwhelmed by my failures and sins ov my past,  The circumstances of my birth and raising, the crimes of my youth, and the good and bad of my Navy career.  It seems the negatives out weigh the positives.  Or at least, that is how my mind tortures me.

Things have gotten worse and I am not sure what comes next.  There is nothing written, that I have found, that gives me a road map.  I have no one to ask, no Doctor to consult, and no association that has any help for me.  I am truly alone on an uncharted mental world.  Am I frightened?  Yes.  And I no longer find this disease interesting.