Friday, August 12, 2016

Living each day, one at a time!

I certainly hope my family reads this blog, because it is going to become my new life's motto.  I intend to live each day, one day at a time.  I will no longer clutter my life with plans, budgets, dreams, or expectations!  Instead, each day will unfold in the manner God has planned!  I will no longer care or bother myself over money, bills, or the future.  I have no future and I have done all I can to ensure my Wife's future.  There is nothing else I can do!!   So, why worry or fret about it!  And I won't, anymore!

Today was a day of my Wife's scurrying around trying to meet other people's expectations, trying to make the world fit into her mold, and trying to get me to engage in her busy life.  Hey, I have dementia, remember!!  I like quiet solitude, slow motion, and serenity.

When we still lived in Virginia, my Neurologist gained a new partner.  This new Neurologist specialized in Dementia's.  She asked me if I had come to terms with my disease, and I assured her I had.  She then said, very boldly; "Bullshit!"  She was right, then.  I was still trying to be "normal" and to meet every one's expectations of me.  Now, that I am in the beginning of the fourth quarter of my LBD game, I actually HAVE dealt, fully, with my disease.   I understand where I am going the rest of my LBD game and I fully understand the end is death.

So, living each day, one day at a time is a way for me to live with less stress, less fuss, and less anger.  Everyone who depended on me to solve their problems, will have to solve your own problems from now on!  If I knew the solutions, the stress of addressing them would still drive me over the edge.  And, since I know I probably do not have your solutions, trying to help you hurts me!  So, you're on your own!!

A long time ago, I was a rabid football fan.  I was watching a game with a team I supported and they were doing badly.  I was yelling and cussing at the television and my Wife turned the television OFF!!  I asked her, loudly, why she did that!  She asked me: "Do you think they are listening to you?"   Get the point!!  Me getting angry and upset over things I cannot control, makes no sense at all.

So, please help me live the rest of my life, one day at a time! 

Note:    Obviously no one close to me read this post! 15 Aug 2016 @ 1922

1 comment:

  1. I think I may understand a little bit of what you are feeling. As one who has also been diagnosed with LBD, I have had to learn to relax my expectations of myself and allow my loved ones the time to learn to do that too. I thought it would be depressing, but it has been oddly liberating. The Lord bless and keep you.