Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Dull, disconnected, and lost

Many people ask me how I am doing.  My standard answer is; "I am progressing".  And that is a true answer, but not totally accurate.  I have written recently that I have entered a new, phase of LBD.  One more difficult than the past.  This is the REAL LBD!  The past has been the warm up!

Mentally, I now feel completely disconnected from the world around me.  Everything seems distant and no connected to me.  I have little interest in most things.  Things seem dull to me!  Not "Dull" like boring, but dull, to my senses!  No excitement or enjoyment.  Everything is a burden to do.  I have lost my zest for life!

There is nothing I want to do and few things I will do.  My Wife has me participating in some exercise classes here at Azalea and they are good.  But if she did not take me, I WOULD NOT go!  Yes, I understand they are good for me, but what's the purpose?  I guess that is a reflection of the depression I am dealing with.

I now know everything I deal with before in this journey was "Kid's Play"!  It served to soften me up, like a boxer uses body punches to weaken the opponent.  Now, the real punches come when I am at my weakest and I cannot endure them.

Our Pastor who is a wonderful Pastor, Teacher, and friend, sat down beside us before Church last Sunday and asked me about the new issues I was experiencing and I could not remember any of them!  Linda had to fill him in!!  I guess that is a good part of LBD, I forget the things that bother me.

Another issue.  We were walking down a hallway for exercise last evening and I saw a cat, that frightened me!  I was physically and emotional scared!  It turned out to be s stuffed animal, but it frightened me, twice!!  This is getting ridiculous.

So, LBD is now winning!  And try as I might, I know I am not going to win or break even!  And I know the fight from now on will be a difficult, loosing battle.  I hope it is a short one!


  1. I'm so sorry. Your blog is a source of information and inspiration to those who are affected by LBD. Continued prayers for you and your family.