Many people ask me how I am doing. My standard answer is; "I am progressing". And that is a true answer, but not totally accurate. I have written recently that I have entered a new, phase of LBD. One more difficult than the past. This is the REAL LBD! The past has been the warm up!
Mentally, I now feel completely disconnected from the world around me. Everything seems distant and no connected to me. I have little interest in most things. Things seem dull to me! Not "Dull" like boring, but dull, to my senses! No excitement or enjoyment. Everything is a burden to do. I have lost my zest for life!
There is nothing I want to do and few things I will do. My Wife has me participating in some exercise classes here at Azalea and they are good. But if she did not take me, I WOULD NOT go! Yes, I understand they are good for me, but what's the purpose? I guess that is a reflection of the depression I am dealing with.
I now know everything I deal with before in this journey was "Kid's Play"! It served to soften me up, like a boxer uses body punches to weaken the opponent. Now, the real punches come when I am at my weakest and I cannot endure them.
Our Pastor who is a wonderful Pastor, Teacher, and friend, sat down beside us before Church last Sunday and asked me about the new issues I was experiencing and I could not remember any of them! Linda had to fill him in!! I guess that is a good part of LBD, I forget the things that bother me.
Another issue. We were walking down a hallway for exercise last evening and I saw a cat, that frightened me! I was physically and emotional scared! It turned out to be s stuffed animal, but it frightened me, twice!! This is getting ridiculous.
So, LBD is now winning! And try as I might, I know I am not going to win or break even! And I know the fight from now on will be a difficult, loosing battle. I hope it is a short one!