Thursday, June 23, 2016

Live or die

Literally, that is a decision I face everyday.  I see talk about the number of Veterans that commit suicide everyday.  Nobody really cares if the Veterans commit suicide!  As a matter of fact and action, the Veteran's Administration is glad we are committing suicide!

Yes, the VA and the Military help Officers.  But the common Enlisted Man is a burden to the government and they would much rather we just shut up, and die quietly.

I cannot get any assistance from my Congressman on my VA appeal, even though he is the Chairman of the house Sub-Committee for Veteran's Affairs!!  Why, be cause I am not a Flag Officer and he does not care.  I am a burden.

But, this post is more than my complaints about how our Government treats us and sees us.  It is about the fact that everyday is worse.  I cannot see any way out.  I cannot make any decisions that will change how my life progresses.  So, I am in a hopeless position.   Hopeless because I cannot change my status, effect my condition, or do what I want to do.  I am in the same status as a child.  Dependent on others for everything.  Since I was 16, I could get in my car, go somewhere alone, and do something.  Even as a married man, I had time to go do things with friends.  Shooting competitions, gun shows, boat shows, car shows.  No more, and no one to go with.

I am not suicidal, but I an no longer interested in living either.  I do not see any joy in life.   Only decreasing existence leading to even more debilitating issues.  Life offers nothing exciting, enjoyable, or challenging.  The only bright point is, at some point I will not know I am in as bad a condition as I am.  Now there is a bright spot!  Come on Dementia.

I think every Dementia patient deals with this.  I believe it would be better if I was with other Dementia patients and with people that accepted me as I am.  Instead, people continually tell me I am not sick, the doctor's were wrong, and you are fine.  Treatment like that does not encourage me to live.  I makes me feel worthless.  Te same way the VA makes me feel.  I have been a throw away person since I was born.  According to the Government I served for 40 years, I still am.

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