Sunday, May 1, 2016

My Wife and her lists, deadlines, and planning!

My Wife is OCD, on steroids!  She has always kept lists,and held herself to unattainable standards and deadlines.  This incessant stress has robbed her of most of the enjoyment in life.  She has Her plan for everyone's life and she stresses herself out trying to keep everyone in the lanes she has planned for them.   She does not have the ability to sit and relax!

Her obsession with politics falls right into her OCD.   Add to that, she is a "Bulldog" when it comes to having her plans adhered too.  If her plan does not come to fruition, she is depressed and angry for a long time.  Oh, did I mention she holds grudges?

Problems, real or perceived, cause me stress, depression, and anger.  All emotions that have a negative impact on me.   Lists, deadlines, and stress are all issues I run from with my hands over my ears and my eyes shut tight!!!

I bring this up, because I need quiet, routine, and no stress, to be able to have as pleasant a life as I can with LBD.  I am not alone with this issue.   Everything I have read tells me, quiet, stress free, routine is the best environment for an LBD patient.

I know her reply to this will be, she enjoys what she is doing.  She is doing what she wants.  Well, why does she complain all the time?  I can see the stress in her and it is not good for her either.   But, if I try to change her path, it is not pretty for me.  And, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would probably be the same way.

Spouses of LBD patients have a tough job.  They have to try to have as normal a life for them as possible, while trying to keep their loved one on an even keel.  I understand that and I do not have a solution for my dilemma.  Nor do I believe it is my job to solve this problem.  

What is the solution?  Maybe I should move to Assisted Living.  I realize that after 43+ years of marriage, she is NOT going to change.  And I am not going to get better.   love my wife and appreciate her sacrifice in dealing with my disease.  I try very hard, to be a good patient and as helpful in everyday I can.  I understand her needs but she needs to understand mine also.  I feel sorry for the Dementia caregivers, almost more than I fell sorry for those of us with Dementia.  At least we can escape!


  1. Alrighty then.
    You two have likely shared a good marriage because you are a bit opposite of one another and it is your teamwork and opposite way of handling things that balances you both out. It is good you can express your thoughts and identify why you feel the way you do. I suspect it is her lists that help her to cope with all that she has on her plate. Happy Sunday.

  2. I am so sorry you are having a hard day! I have LBD also, and today has been a rough day for me as well. Praying that tomorrow will be better for you!