A few things gave been happening that indicate I am going into the final phase of the mental decline of LBD. For instance, my hallucinations have picked up, became even more realistic, and I now cannot tell hallucinations from reality.
A couple of days ago I saw a beautiful golden retriever running past our sliding glass door, down the driveway of the facility we live in. The dog had a leash trailing in the breeze. It was so real, I looked out to see if someone was trying to catch the dog. I was going to help. But, no one was there and no dog was there when I looked.
Yesterday I had my weekly discussion with my Best Friend, Jerry. After our discussion, I was reliving our conversation and realized I ran on, talked about the Navy, and kept repeating myself! Those weekly calls are my lifeline!! I have NO one to talk Navy with here. And since I am the Only Gunner's Mate where i live and maybe in Pensacola, I am truly lonely!! But, I must drive Jerry nuts!!
Then, today, I took my nap and I had repeated, dreams that got more and more violent. I was trapped, could not breath, and I had the feeling I was going to die!! When I finally woke up, for the third or fourth time, I got UP and stayed up! And even sitting in my recliner, working on Solitaire on my IPAD, I still had the frightening feelings of my dreams!
Yesterday, I did not take my morning pills. I found that out at 5PM. I took them then and I was supposed to take my night pills when I went to bed, but I did not. My Wife forgot to remind me, and I forgot. So, I am seemingly out of control of my meds now.
Truthfully, I now feel completely out of control of my life. Furthermore, I know I have no hope of regaining control of my life.
So, as I see it, this is the next and possibly final phase of my mental issues. My memory is failing, I am repeating myself, and I am now having major issues telling hallucinations from reality. Not to mention, I am frightened even when I am awake.
And, for all of you who tell me I write well and seem perfectly normal, just as people tell me I do not appear to have any dementia, I reply; As I write this, I have been up two hours from the dreams, I am now wide awake and mostly aware of my situation. It is daylight, my wife is home, the television is on, everything is familiar and I feel safe. LBD is known for it's ups and downs. And I suffer from those issues, in spades!!
One other things came to mind. I no longer want to talk to most people. I LOVE and DEPEND on my weekly talks with Jerry. And, my Son calls me when he travels for work and I like those calls. But, no relatives call me! CJ Tim, and Steve call once in a while and I like their calls. But I am really getting reclusive. And if you knew me, you would know I WAS an extrovert. No more.
So, we will see what the future brings! Nothing good, I am sure.