Wednesday, May 11, 2016

How things are progressing?

A few things gave been happening that indicate I am going into the final phase of the mental decline of LBD.  For instance, my hallucinations have picked up, became even more realistic, and I now cannot tell hallucinations from reality.

A couple of days ago I saw a beautiful golden retriever running past our sliding glass door, down the driveway of the facility we live in.  The dog had a leash trailing in the breeze.  It was so real, I looked out to see if someone was trying to catch the dog.  I was going to help.  But, no one was there and no dog was there when I looked.

Yesterday I had my weekly discussion with my Best Friend, Jerry.  After our discussion, I was reliving our conversation and realized I ran on, talked about the Navy, and kept repeating myself!  Those weekly calls are my lifeline!!   I have NO one to talk Navy with here.  And since I am the Only Gunner's Mate where i live and maybe in Pensacola, I am truly lonely!!  But, I must drive Jerry nuts!!

Then, today, I took my nap and I had repeated, dreams that got more and more violent.  I was trapped, could not breath, and I had the feeling I was going to die!!  When I finally woke up, for the third or fourth time, I got UP and stayed up!  And even sitting in my recliner, working on Solitaire on my IPAD, I still had the frightening feelings of my dreams!

Yesterday, I did not take my morning  pills.  I found that out at 5PM.  I took them then and I was supposed to take my night pills when I went to bed, but I did not.  My Wife forgot to remind me, and I forgot.  So, I am seemingly out of control of my meds now.

Truthfully, I now feel completely out of control of my life.  Furthermore, I know I have no hope of regaining control of my life.

So, as I see it, this is the next and possibly final phase of my mental issues.  My memory is failing, I am repeating myself, and I am now having major issues telling hallucinations from reality.  Not to mention, I am frightened even when I am awake.

And, for all of you who tell me I write well and seem perfectly normal, just as people tell me I do not appear to have any dementia, I reply;  As I write this, I have been up two hours from the dreams, I am now wide awake and mostly aware of my situation.  It is daylight, my wife is home, the television is on, everything is familiar and I feel safe.  LBD is known for it's ups and downs.  And I suffer from those issues, in spades!!

One other things came to mind.   I no longer want to talk to most people.  I LOVE and DEPEND on my weekly talks with Jerry.  And, my Son calls me when he travels for work and I like those calls.  But, no relatives call me!  CJ Tim, and Steve call once in a while and I like their calls.  But I am really getting reclusive.  And if you knew me, you would know I WAS an extrovert.  No more.

So, we will see what the future brings!  Nothing good, I am sure.


  1. Hello Mr. and Mrs. Silverfox. M stubbornness wanted me to reach out to you one more time, hahaha. I made a video about the natural treatment plan I designed.

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