It is 2100 and I am agitated. Tremendously agitated! I am in the office, with my headphones on, isolating myself from the Republican debate. The two miniature poodles have completely disrupted anything I try to do. The want out, treats, petted, out, treats, whatever. The dogs, it seems, are my job. Now, the male is standing in front of me, staring at me.
It is no wonder I never get to relax. I often find myself in a mental round robin of; "I need to retire!" Then I think, I am retired! But not in my mind.
Agitation is not caused by the dogs, people, politics, or anything else. My agitation is caused by LBD! I need to tell the neurologist he needs to give me something to deal with this. I just read an article on this, trying to find a solution. It seems, agitation is the norm. I know that, but I have been reticent to take any more drugs. I was gong to try bourbon. It used to help me before LBD! But, it probably would react with everything I take now. Heck who cares! If bourbon makes me feel better, why not?!
OK, my logic is off; I know that! So is my sense of self preservation. Feeling like I do, depressed, agitated, angry, frightened, disoriented, why not try bourbon. OK, I have one reason, I don't have any and I cannot drive to the ABC store. And, my wife won't stop at one for me.
I am in a mental circle fight. I need to retire, I am retired, I want to drink, no I don't, I want to move to my survival house, I want to be in Assisted Living! Then, I price trucks online, and then realize, I don't need one because I do not drive. I search for homes with land knowing I can't move there. See!? I cannot control these thoughts. I cannot get out of this circular fight. This is maddening!!
This is my mental world. And I wonder why I am agitated. Did I tell you my wife is OCD?! Big Time OCD! Like Monk, OCD!! Today, she had to get her Passport renewed. Why, I don't know. We are not going out of the country. Maybe she is and I was not informed. In any case, she had lists upon lists for this outing. Papers from the Internet, what if worries, and plans for every issue she could conjure up in her never resting mind! Then, she explains every alternative to me in detail!! I don't even know why she is getting the thing renewed!! That would be like me renewing my driver's license.
Again, none of this should upset me. It didn't before LBD. but now, I am driven to distraction and agitated as much as a drunk sailor in a Subic Bay bar! I know this from standing Shore Patrol in Subic Bay!!
Maybe I will just go hide in my bed. But, if you are a caregiver of a LBD patient, look at my issue, and see what your loved one is dealing with! Heck, I wish people related to me would read this post. That need to know too.
But, maybe I will get some bourbon anyway.