Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Nights, and how they effect me

We shifted from Daylight Saving Time to Standard Time.  It gets darker much earlier and I get depressed, agitated, and grumpy, much earlier.  That early onset of my "Sun Downing" actually multiplies the effect because there is more time for it to act on me before I go to bed.  Then, I go to bed agitated, and that causes me to think negative thoughts that lead to difficult dreams.

I often get stuck in negative thought processes as I lay down.  Centering on things that might happen or actually have happened, that were or could be tragic.  I then get defensive, upset, and aggressive in my thoughts.  Not a good formula for restful sleep.

I have seen this increase recently.  So has my wife.  Short of more drugs, I do not see this improving.  I have written before about living in a Memory Support facility that isolates me from the outside world and controls my sensory overload.  That seems like a good, comforting idea to me.  Yet, I don't think I am quite there yet.  Soon, but not quite yet.  Yet, one of my nightly thought patterns is to run away from reality.  Either by hitting the road, becoming homeless, careless, and always on the move, or by moving into a facility that shields me from the things that upset me.

For instance, my Wife has the Republican Debate on right now.  Politics completely upsets and anger me.   Now, she should be able to watch anything she wants.  She likes Politics and wants to be informed.  I respect and defend that.  But, the fact is that I cannot deal with the tension, arguing, screaming, and tension of the Political Theater.

How do we deal with this?  I don't know.  But, I know as this disease progressives, I need to be isolated from things that aggravate me.  If we do not, I will loose control of my emotions and a melt down will occur.  I can write that now, not much later in this journey, I will act out this statement, without mental filters or emotional controls and that will lead to me being placed in a controlled environment.  More controlled than I would need if we took preventative measures now.

Just saying.

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