I truly have not been afraid of many things. And, I learned early to never let anyone know what you are afraid of. Giving into fear only paralyzes you and prevents you from accomplishing your goals.
I also have written before about my neurologist in Virginia Beach. She was tenacious and dedicated. She asked me if I had dealt with the reality of my disease. Of course I said YES! She immediately said; "No! You haven't!" and she was right. As a matter of fact, even though I thought I had dealt with the realities of LBD before, I just now HAVE honestly dealt with these issues.
You see, I now know I am afraid to die! No, I am not afraid of my destination after I take my last breath on this earth. I am Heaven bound because of the Finished Work of Jesus Christ on the Cross!!
No, I am afraid of the process of death. It is something I have never done. So, I am afraid of the unknown. And, since the disease has progressed to the point of completely dominating my life, I now realize what my Neurologist meant when she asked me if I have dealt with my disease. I am going to die. And not a long time from now, but sooner, rather than later. If the disease progresses next year as much as it did this year, I will be in bad shape next year. Not something I am prepared to deal with. But something I must face head on.
Back to my management of fear. I cannot let those close to me that I am afraid of this. Yes, they now know because they read this blog. But, that is why I am writing this. Because I do not know any other way to tell them. Remember, I never let anyone know I am afraid of anything!
So, there you have it. This maybe the first time I honestly admitted, openly and honestly, that I was afraid. Do I feel less of a man? No more that Lewy Body Dementia had made me. No, as I digest this, I feel better that I have openly said what I said. Now I have to deal with every one's reaction.