Last night, I was grumpy, agitated, and there was another emotion that I was experiencing that was new to me. Let me proceed and try to explain. I had the realization, which for me is more than a feeling, that I was loosing my grasp on reality. Yes, all of the normal evening issues were there, but they were amplified. Noise bothered me more, I was angry at the world, I felt week, diminished, and mentally foggy. But I also felt unable to live in the world as a whole.
As I tried to go to sleep, I fought mental battles with people that I see as hindrances to my happiness. I anguished over comments made by my wife, about numerous things I can do nothing about. And I longed to be in that memory support facility in Daphne, Alabama, that I once told you about.
The smallest thing upset me and I had to fight an internal battle to keep control of my anger. I only had one minor outburst over the ongoing parking issues that my wife seems to want to continually bring up. The remainder of the time, I just kept my emotions inside and stewed.
It is my opinion that my journey with LBD took a giant turn last night and accelerated down hill. I slept fitfully last night and when I did sleep, I had violent dreams. It is now 5AM and I have had a shower, shaved, and I am ready to face the day. That seems like a very brave statement to me. We will see.