More and more, I see myself sliding at an increasing rate of decent into the malaise of dementia. I am loosing days, do not know where I am sometimes, and find more comfort being alone than with people.
Yes, I can still function in a group of people, but, since my social filters are no longer working, sometimes I embarrass myself with what I say! No matter, I forget it soon, so there is no lasting effect on me directly. I am sure the others remember my embarrassing statements. But again, I don't care.
I forget appointments and events, even though they are on the calendar. People's names are lost on me, and for a brief time last Sunday evening, while enjoying my usual billiards outing, right here in Azalea Trace, I did not know how to get back to my apartment, or even where that apartment was. It is now fully evident that I have mentally and cognitively "slipped a cog" or maybe even two! But, no worries, since I really don't seem to care. At least, it does not bother me.
I related all of this to my psychologist, who I have gone back to meeting with after a short respite. He seems to take these issues in stride and without surprise. So, I will too.
My wife still seems happy to rail on the parking issues, or how someone is doing something wrong. Me, I could care less. Actually, there is nothing I get too upset over and little I care about. I realize I can do NOTHING to change the direction of the country, the community where I live, the traffic, or even the availability of covered parking at Azalea Trace! So, why get all worked up! And, since I forget things so quickly, if I Did get worked up and upset, I would be angry over something I could not remember! It's true!! So, I just ignore things around me, try to keep myself intertwined, offer some encouragement to my wife, and make sure the dogs get out often enough!
What's next? I don't really know, and I really don't care. The malaise of dementia covers all.