Tuesday, June 16, 2015

What's next?!

More and more, I see myself sliding at an increasing rate of decent into the malaise of dementia.  I am loosing days, do not know where I am sometimes, and find more comfort being alone than with people.

Yes, I can still function in a group of people, but, since my social filters are no longer working, sometimes I embarrass myself with what I say!  No matter, I forget it soon, so there is no lasting effect on me directly.  I am sure the others remember my embarrassing statements.  But again, I don't care.

I forget appointments and events, even though they are on the calendar.   People's names are lost on me, and for a brief time last Sunday evening, while enjoying my usual billiards outing, right here in Azalea Trace, I did not know how to get back to my apartment, or even where that apartment was.   It is now fully evident that I have mentally and cognitively "slipped a cog"  or maybe even two!  But, no worries, since I really don't seem to care.  At least, it does not bother me.

I related all of this to my psychologist, who I have gone back to meeting with after a short respite.  He seems to take these issues in stride and without surprise.  So, I will too.

My wife still seems happy to rail on the parking issues, or how someone is doing something wrong.  Me, I could care less.  Actually, there is nothing I get too upset over and little I care about.  I realize I can do NOTHING to change the direction of the country, the community where I live, the traffic, or even the availability of covered parking at Azalea Trace!  So, why get all worked up!  And, since I forget things so quickly, if I Did get worked up and upset, I would be angry over something I could not remember!  It's true!!  So, I just ignore things around me, try to keep myself intertwined, offer some encouragement to my wife, and make sure the dogs get out often enough!

What's next?  I don't really know, and I really don't care.  The malaise of dementia covers all.

1 comment:

  1. I like this. I feel like sitting down and letting others get tense necks and shoulders from the drama. Me? I'm happy to sit it out. There is no control anyway. Thank God we are not in charge! Feels refreshing. And like you, I just don't care.