I wrote a post on the Navy blog that related customer service to command climate and it all related to my perception of how we are being treated here at Azalea Trace. Now, don't get me wrong. This is a good place to be. But, even a little but under a big horses saddle causes issues. And, those little things, combined with how I am doing in the LBD journey are making me very difficult to be around. Then, add the fact that I have a cold, and I probably should be confined in solitary confinement.
That being said, it is becoming harder and harder to be congenial to anyone. Of course, I reserve all my energy to be kind and loving to my Wife. She has earned that And I intend to treat her with love, respect, and honor, until my last breath! However, other people might want to give me a wide berth. Mostly that is not an issue, since no one ever visits us anyway. However, my Sister is planning a visit towards the end of the month, so I hope I am doing better by then. No promises!
For instance, I only got about two hours of sleep last nigh because of this cold. We decided to take a nap, but the dogs had other ideas. They wanted out, walked, fed, petted, and now I am here, in my chair, writing to keep my sanity, while my wife blissfully sleeps. I am glad for her since she is showing signs of this cold too. I just wish I was sleeping too. And that, angers me, as you might imagine.
Would that have been an issue before LBD and all the issues that accompany that disease. Probably, but I would not be ready to punch someone in the nose for walking past our apartment holding a conversation at 1000 decibels!!!!! Jerks!!
I could say this too will pass. But I know it won't. This is the new normal and I pity my wife because of it. She spent the first half of our marriage with me being a grumpy, impatient, loud, obnoxious, jerk. Then, because of God, I calmed down, And, for the past 10 years or so, I have been pretty calm and gentle. That period of quiet seems t be done.
I don't even watch the news anymore because I get so upset over the treason that is going on in our government! But, I have come to the realization that I cannot do anything about it. So, I try to ignore it. So far, so good, I think!
Grumpy, agitated and angry have been a theme for a number of posts. But, it is where I am right now and I pledged to write the truth. There it is. The unvarnished truth.
And the truth is, these two blogs are the one outlet I have for my anger and agitation. I am glad I have them.