Friday, September 19, 2014

I have dreams!

I have commented before about how real my dreams are.  Many times, I wake up, continuing what I was doing in the dream.  Then, long into the day, I realize I was "Chasing a Dream" in reality.

I have had a continuing dream theme that has be owning and operating a large motor yacht.  I am at the helm and we are going at a breakneck speed.  No matter what I do, how I turn the wheel, or adjust the throttles, I cannot control the boat or direct it's course.  Then, I see a pier, and I am obviously going to crash into it!  Then, BANG!!  I crash into the pier in a ball of flame and explosions!  And I wake up.

Today, as I was drifting into the relaxation of my afternoon nap, that dream came to mind and I began to ponder what the meaning of this dream was.  Never before had I ever thought about this dreams meaning.  Nor, was it ever evident to me.  But today, the meaning became very evident to me.

The dream's meaning is loss of control, and specifically loss of the control of my life. LBD has robbed me of that which I cherished for so many years of my life.  For most of my adult life, I have controlled where I went, what I did, and even the course of my career.  I thought!  Of course, I now know that God is in control of my life.  I also know that all the days of my life were predestined and recorded in God's book before I was formed in my Mother's womb!

Those of us with any dementia, will, eventually loose control of our lives.  But, truthfully, we never have control of our lives.  That personal control is just a mirage in our minds.  And I have learned that there is "Peace" in understanding the fact that we are never in control and surrendering control to God is the answer to inner peace. Now, that dream will no longer haunt me.  I am at peace with my disease and the results of it.  Now there is knowledge worth having!

1 comment:

  1. I so feel for you. My Dad has either vivid dreams or vivid hallucinations. He recently called security at his community to come and check on a guy who was going door to door selling beans at 2AM in the morning. We had already been looking at housing options, but in order to keep him from difficult encounters with security/neighbors whoever else he might awaken, or go to for help, we decided to move him in with us. That was Tuesday morning when it happened. He did fine on Wednesday but then Thursday morning he woke me in the middle of the night saying the bed was broken and he couldn't find Susan(which is my sister). I went in with him and looked around and nothing was wrong with the bed. My Sister lives in Northern California. I was able to kind of calm him and then he stopped and said "wow that felt so real" but kind of seemed to understand it wasn't. He said he could go back to sleep so he did and slept then until about noon. I think it is good for now to have him with us. Not sure about long term but for today I am happy to sleep with the knowledge that he is ok and we can help him if he awakens to one of these events. Thanks to you for sharing.