How I was before LBD is not important. What I did before LBD is not important. How I deal with life now is. And I do not do well or react well to things that do not go as planned or smoothly.
For instance, if something we plan get changed, or delayed, my immediate reply is to quit, or cancel the contract, event, purchase, or what ever it is! If that purchase or event does not happen as advertised, I want nothing to do with it!
I have said before how the mere discussion of our budget drives me into fits of anger, depression, and introversion. I want nothing to do with our finances. Now, it is not that we are not doing well. It is that I do not want any connection with the topic of budget.
I now seek the path of least resistance. And, when things become choppy, I turn around and retreat. Why, because if I don't, I will blow up! And that will only make everything worse. No, I tend to stay by myself, alone in my thoughts, remembering the things of the past. Asking forgiveness for my past sins and treasuring the good times I have had. I do not pay attention to the majority of the news. And if I do see what is going on in the world or my co unity, I shut it out of my mind as soon as I can. The world will have to go on with out my input. I prefer the company of old shipmates, my wife, and my two old poodles.