Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Evening depression and tears

Almost every night I experience deep depression and the feeling of despair that leads to the feeling of crying.   Sometime simple things bring this on, like a television show, or the lack of a show.   It seems silly, but a simple thing like a show I like being canceled can bring on depression.   There are other issues that cause me problems too.  Like a dream during my daily afternoon nap or doubt about the future.

The drugs I take for depression do nothing for me, in my estimation.  The next visit to the neurologist I intend to address this issue.  Since this depression and emotional upheaval impacts my desire to do most anything,  it would be better for me if I could find a way to reduce this issue.  That thought is me, fighting against the inevitable!  Even though I have had a solid diagnosis for quite a while, I still think there is a way for me to be normal again.

I have read a number of posts from other LBD sufferers related to "Show Time" behavior.  It seems those of us with LBD can muster a "normal" appearance when we have company, go somewhere, or see our doctor.  I do not allow "show time" to happen during a doctor's appointment.  But, it does come into play at Church, during our Ministry at the Assisted Living Facility, and when we have company.  I have noticed that the limits of "show time" have become shorter of late!  For instance, at our Son's house during a Birthday get together for our Son.  As the sun began to set, I felt my energy drain and my control over my emotions leave me.  My wife noticed this and we departed for home.  It is good when your wife/caregiver knows the warning signs.

One of the depressing factors of LBD is the many things that fail because of the effect of the Lewy Bodies as they settle into a portion of your brain.  I have wrote before about how REM sleep disorder first set in.  Now, my vision is being impacted. Judging distance, peripheral vision are not what they used to be!  Of course, their is the loss of control of bowels and urine, body temperature, and recently, I see my blood pressure becoming erratic.

LBD takes it's tole in slow, sneaky, silent ways.  One day, you can see, the next day, not so well.  These slow degradations of life functions bring on the emotional issues. So, it is a round robin for me.  There is no victor with LBD.  Just the reality that things will progress on their own schedule no matter what I do.

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