I was happy when they said, let's go into the house of the Lord!! We had a wonderful day of fellowship in Church today. Sunday School and Worship services met my needs. I can now say, regardless of budget, that I am comfortable with our decisions on Azalea Trace. Sometimes I need to get away from the outside world and listen to God. Today, Church was the place for that. Other times, it is in my study, or on a walk, or anywhere else.
When spiritual clarity comes, the issues of what ever you are struggling with, melt away. The question in my mind was, why would a loving God place me in a position that was untenable. The answer was, He will not. Or if He does, He will give me the strength and wherewithal to persevere. So, I have no worries. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
So, I feel better, my wife is doing better, and we are doing the appropriate paperwork to deal with the three reviews required to become residents. Those are financial means, physical, and mental testing. Again, we can do this, with God's help.
During the progression of this disease, negative feedback, criticism, and negativity had increasingly caused me depression, anxiety, and my turn inward. I don't like to watch the news, most television shows, or movies. When I am challenged, criticized for something I have tried to do wheel, or yelled at for something related to my disease, I shut down!! I do not yell, argue, or retaliate. I just shut down. There was a time when I would raise my voice, fight back for what I did, or even try to reason with the individual. No more.
Why? I cannot win! I am no longer in charge. I have ceded my position as leader because of LBD. I no longer drive the car, spend the money, or make the money. These are the facts. Arguing or fighting for my position just makes everything worse. So, I withdraw.
Many of you dealing with a LBD patient may see this and never knew why. These are my reasons. Don't ask your loved one, they most likely will not tell you.