Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Non-existant social filters

I have written about Sun Downing issues.  Another part of this issue is my now non-existent social filters!!  For instance, tonight as is my norm, I was studying for the Bible study I present at the local Assisted Living Facility.  I normally use a room that is mine, in the front of the house.  I can see the street and I enjoy that room.  It has my Navy memorabilia in it and is furnished to suit me.  My two miniature poodles are always by my side.  But, people walking on the street cause them to bark.  That lead to me blowing up tonight!!  Now, the wife and both dogs are upset!

In the past, I would have handled that differently.  Not tonight.  Now I had to go all Master Chief on them!!  And believe me, I can yell loud.

This happens often now.  I have an ongoing disagreement with my Subaru salesman that I escalated to the owner!  I received a call from the sales manager at a time when I was calm, in the middle of the day. So, things are calm now.  But I email some things I would do not have in the past.  Why? You might say I don't care!  But the truth is, I don't have the social filters to sort out what I should say or not say.

This can be a big issue!  Like telling Adult Content sailor stories and jokes to my Grandsons.  They like it, but my wife seems to think I am wrong.  Me, I don't see an issue.  Other times, I say things that are offensive, even secret!  Again, at the time, it seems OK to me.

These issues leave me feeling alone, unwanted, and devastated.  The dogs are still not talking to me.

I also DO things that are socially not acceptable and at the moment, do not understand why.  I wrote about an incident like that a while ago.  If someone is doing something I do not agree with, I will probably "Flame Spray" them now.  I did that once, in a very crowded Pannera Bread store when I was placing a large order after waiting in line for a while.  The person taking my order, stopped and answered the telephone and took and filled that telephone order, leaving me standing there.  It was before I could not drive alone and my wife was not there to control me.  Bit did he get it!!  The Manager came out from the back, probably because he heard the walls vibrating. and solved the situation.  Other people were looking for cover!!  I can be abrasive.

This disease has many issues, some not listed on any Symptoms list.  This is one of them and it is getting harder for me to be civil.  I hate that, but there is no control in me anymore.

1 comment:

  1. So far my Dad doesn't have the anger, but he certainly is agitated many times. He actually tore a full sized recliner apart, because there was a child in it according to what he "saw" He still has issues with seeing pieces of the furniture moving and even has started to interact. Other times he will tell me- "I know nothing is there" but many times I can't help him to relax. Thanks for sharing you experiences. What a terrible disease this is.