Tuesday, July 8, 2014

What do I think about all day?

One of the readers left me a reply asking "What does he think about all day?" referring to his father, a LBD patient also.  I can answer that question from my perspective.   I am in the second half of my journey with LBD.   The disease has progressed in unpredictable jumps and fits.   In the past, in the first half, of this journey, I had periods where I felt like nothing was wrong.  Then, I would be overwhelmed with LBD issues!   Now, LBD is with me all the time.

I spend most of my day, thinking about my Navy career.  I often have vivid memories of precise events that I was part of.  I feel like those events are actually happening at the moment.  I talk to myself like there were two of us.  In my mind, I am actually "At Work" some times.  Nights are different.  As the sun goes down, I become agitated, grumpy, and sensitive to television shows.  Tense,  combat related, shows cause me to become so agitated that I walk into different rooms to break away.

I dream vivid dreams every night.  Actually, every time I sleep, even naps.  These dreams are real to me.  I often wake up with thoughts that continue the dream through the day.  For instance, I was NEVER a Prisoner of War.  But, I have a recurring dream track that places me as a POW and I am trying to escape.  Yesterday, I woke up and actually thought I was a POW.  The thought still is in my mind, a day later.

How can I be so descriptive of these thoughts and emotions.  It is 7:45 AM and I have been up for an hour.  I am fresh and the sun is bright.  My mind is at it's best.  I will be this way until I begin to tire, about noon.  Then I will take a nap for 4 hours.  The rest of my day, I am trapped in my mind.  Mornings seem to be the only time I am mentally alert and close to the reality of the day.  My wife knows this and uses this "Alert" time to encourage me to do those things that still require my attention.  She also schedules appointments for this period.

I do not know how this will progress.  I know how things are right now.  I hope this helps answer the question that I know many care givers have.

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