Tuesday, July 8, 2014

The move to a retirement community

Today, we continued the search for an acceptable retirement community.  We have looked at quite a few communities and have our names on a waiting list for a community that is, by all accounts, the best in the area.  We have found three communities that are acceptable.  In my view, today's was the best.  The independent living portion was beautiful.  It was made up of individual cottages, all 1400 sq ft or more.  All with a garage and in home laundry.  All utilities were paid and one meal a day was provided along with weekly housekeeping.

The assisted living apartments were equally nice.  There, we would get three meals a day and therefore, the apartments did not have full kitchens.  There were microwaves and a refrigerator.  But the Memory Support unit was the best.  There were small, private rooms, with private baths.  Very nicely appointed.  Then nice common areas and outside walking and sitting areas in a park like setting.    The entire area, inside and out, was secure!  No way out for the residents.  This immediately put me at ease!

I have discussed before, that when I am home alone, I will NOT go out of the house.  I am afraid to gout on my own.  If my wife is home, I will go out, talk to neighbors, get the mail, do yard work.  But, if I am alone, I stay inside.  But walking the grounds of the Memory Support unit made me feel at peace.  Safe,  Secure.

This is a very hard decision for my wife.  There are serious financial considerations to ponder.  We have a beautiful home that I still can maintain, for now.  How long is the question.   Living in our present home is less expensive than the community we looked at today by a factor of 2.  Meaning it would cost us twice as much to go live in the community as we pay now.  So, don't think I do not appreciate the difficulty of my wife's decision.  Yet, I felt so secure, even in the independent living cottages.

My position is that we need to get into a community while I am still functioning mentally.  And we do not know how ling that will be.  Some days I am good as gold.  Others, not so much.  And the "Not so much" days are more frequent and more pronounced than they were.   In my previous position as the long term planner of the family, I believe now is the time to sell our house and move.  We disagree on this point.  My wife would like to wait for the community we are waiting for.  That wait list has not budged.  And, giving one third of our retirement savings to a management community is a little daunting for both of us.  While the community we looked at today does not require an "Up Front" fee. Of course, they do not guarantee the price of future care either.  All of these factors make this decision the most difficult one of our life.

Maybe I should defer to my wife's clear, unemotional, mind.  But, security sure was comfortable.

Note:  There is one other option.  I am on the waiting list for the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulf Port, Mississippi.  We have toured this facility an it is OUTSTANDING!!  I felt totally comfortable there.  There is one issue.  It is only for me!  That may be OK since mi wife may not need or want a senior community.   According to the administrator I should be offered a room in November of this year.  We will see.

All I know is I need, maybe even crave, security!  And I need to be in a facility that will meet my needs, before those needs become the driver themselves.  I hope that makes sense to you.  Because it consumes me.

One last thought on this topic tonight.  I would feel very comfortable moving into an assisted living facility like the one we saw today.  The apartments were roomy, comfortable, and all inclusive.  That thought makes my wife feel like she is loosing her independence!  She feels imprisoned by that type of facility.  That is where we differ.  I try to look at her point of view.  But, it is hard for me to see.  And I believe the independent living portion of a community is s good compromise.  Again, maybe I am wrong and it is just my LBD taking.  I no longer can make these types of decisions based on logic.  My wants are now dictated by what I perceive I need baked on how I believe I am at the time I am making the decision.  I guess I am like a two year old!  I want what I want, now!!  There, that sums my point of view up precisely.  How is that for being totally honest?

1 comment:

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