Friday, July 4, 2014

I never expected to end up like this!

I the movie "REDS", a comical movie about some retired CIA operatives that get classified, Retired, Extremely Dangerous, one of the retired operatives, who is living in s rest home, tells his retired operative friend; "I never expected to end up like this!"  He goes on to briefly name all the dangerous missions he was on and then say:  "But stage 4 liver cancer, in a rest home?  never thought I would end up like this."

I can identify with the character Morgan Freeman played.  I always thought I would die on a ship, in a gun mount, or somehow doing something dangerous.  I did not shy away from danger or difficult missions.  As a matter of fact, I volunteered for them.  When I was getting ready to go back to Sea Duty, from being the Gunner's Mate Detailer, I was offered another tour in Washington D.C. as the "New Construction" Detailer.  I quickly turned it down!!  Not for me.

Now, I am dealing with Lewy Body Dementia.  A very invidious disease that ebbs and flows confusing the patient and the caregiver.  Recently my thoughts have returned to my own mortality.  At a recent Gun Show with my neighbor and my son, I said something without thinking.  The neighbor and I were looking at a gun, I do not remember which one, and he asked me if I was going to buy it?  I quickly and without forethought said:  "Hell no.  I am dieing, I don't need anymore guns!"  The sound of those words coming out of my mouth were shocking to me.

Much like that night when I laid, stuck to the bottom of a windshield after crashing face first through it.  Paralyzed, I heard a woman's voice say; "Are they dead?"  I thought, I might be!!  But, I wasn't, just knocked out.  But now, I will not rebound.

I have bounced well during my life.  Windshields, concussions, colon surgery, all no big deal.  Heck, I worked a full day after going through that windshield!!  I had to or Chief Mowery was going to punch me!
Now, I just want to sit here and rest.

No, I never expected to end up this way, but God knew I would and He made provisions for me.  A good wife, good medical coverage, a comfortable home, and a Savior to pay the price for my sins!  Maybe this is not as bad a situation as I first thought.

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