I the movie "REDS", a comical movie about some retired CIA operatives that get classified, Retired, Extremely Dangerous, one of the retired operatives, who is living in s rest home, tells his retired operative friend; "I never expected to end up like this!" He goes on to briefly name all the dangerous missions he was on and then say: "But stage 4 liver cancer, in a rest home? never thought I would end up like this."
I can identify with the character Morgan Freeman played. I always thought I would die on a ship, in a gun mount, or somehow doing something dangerous. I did not shy away from danger or difficult missions. As a matter of fact, I volunteered for them. When I was getting ready to go back to Sea Duty, from being the Gunner's Mate Detailer, I was offered another tour in Washington D.C. as the "New Construction" Detailer. I quickly turned it down!! Not for me.
Now, I am dealing with Lewy Body Dementia. A very invidious disease that ebbs and flows confusing the patient and the caregiver. Recently my thoughts have returned to my own mortality. At a recent Gun Show with my neighbor and my son, I said something without thinking. The neighbor and I were looking at a gun, I do not remember which one, and he asked me if I was going to buy it? I quickly and without forethought said: "Hell no. I am dieing, I don't need anymore guns!" The sound of those words coming out of my mouth were shocking to me.
Much like that night when I laid, stuck to the bottom of a windshield after crashing face first through it. Paralyzed, I heard a woman's voice say; "Are they dead?" I thought, I might be!! But, I wasn't, just knocked out. But now, I will not rebound.
I have bounced well during my life. Windshields, concussions, colon surgery, all no big deal. Heck, I worked a full day after going through that windshield!! I had to or Chief Mowery was going to punch me!
Now, I just want to sit here and rest.
No, I never expected to end up this way, but God knew I would and He made provisions for me. A good wife, good medical coverage, a comfortable home, and a Savior to pay the price for my sins! Maybe this is not as bad a situation as I first thought.