Monday, June 16, 2014

Doing things causes me issues.

That's right!  Anything out of my routine causes me stress, tension, anger, physical pain, mental anguish, and depression.   If I planned to mow the lawn and I get diverted to an outing, my route is disrupted and I suffer from that disruption.  It is not the fault of the person who offered the change in my routine and it is not my fault.  It is an effect of LBD on my brain.

Right now, I can "Spotlight" and act happy, interested, normal, and even excited.  But when I get home, my neck hurts, I have a headache, I am agitated, angry, and completely out of sorts.  Soon, I will not be able to play the part of the happy camper and things will get worse.

My poor wife suffers the most because she has to be with my 24/7.  She has to watch me get angry and melt down.  I try not to, but I cannot control myself.  She is an amazing woman and I love her dearly.

I can only hope we will get into our Continuing Care Retirement Community soon.  There, I will be insulated from the outside world.  There, I can hide in familiar surroundings, safe from the disruptions that cause me this discomfort.

But for now, I can only wait.

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