I experienced something recently that upsets me. I realized that I am isolated, completely! As you know I live in the memories of my past. Those memories are of my Navy career. I love the Navy and I am proud of what I accomplished in the Navy and as a Civil Servant working for the Navy. But, no one around me wants to hear about my memories or even respects them. Instead, I was told, in so many words, to stop talking about the Navy. I am, or better yet, who I am or was, is isolated, alone, and without any friendly contact.
I might as well be on a deserted island, alone. Most of the conversations I have are with myself or with my friends in my memories. While I thought the move to Florida might be a good idea, it is anything but that for me. The overall, total, rejection of me is more than I can bear and it is driving me further into isolation.
I remember a happy day in the past, when my Shipmate, Chuck Morton, surprised me by knocking on my apartment door in Virginia Beach. Seeing him, talking with him, remembering our experiences together and the men we served with, was like medicine to my condition.
Yes, Shipmates call me and yes, I talk to Jerry every week. Those calls keep me sane. But, happy is not on the horizon. With the exception of puking after getting drunk, I have never spent so much time and money being miserable that now. Further more, I really do not think anyone gives a darn.
Without dementia, maybe I could adjust to my new surroundings, make friends, find something to do. But, my mind is constantly in the Navy and those experiences related to the Navy. And, no one either cares or wants to hear about my Navy experience. I once said this area was very unfriendly. Now I know it is me. I am alone, in a sea of people, that don't speak my language and cannot see me. Invisible and unheard. In total isolation. Even my wife cringes when I start to discuss Navy experiences. But, maybe she has heard them all ten times before.