Thursday, April 3, 2014

Confusion, withdrawal, and mental fog

I have written recently about the progression of my LBD. Recently, I have been experiencing more intense and often mental confusion.  Additionally, I am more withdrawn and I seem to love in my thoughts instead of the world around me.  I am actually repulsed by life!

I find myself standing in a room not knowing why I am standing.  Doing anything that causes me to go out of the house is a chore at best and repulsive most of the time.  Linda and I lead a Bible Study at a local Assisted Living Facility.  I love the people there and we are always welcomed and treated with love and respect by the residents and the staff.  But getting ready to go, studying the lesson, and preparing to lead the Bible Study, is like pulling teeth!  Once we are there, I enjoy myself.

This confusion and cognitive fog is more oppressive than ever before and I feel that no one noticed my issues, or cares about my well being.  I am writing from my emotional base right now.  Logically, I know my wife cares deeply for me.  Yet, getting constantly corrected for simple things adds to my dismay.  The other day, I got yelled at for sitting in her new chair, which is unused and sitting in her unused office!  I will never touch that chair again!
I have asked to go to a once a week event provided by the Alzheimer's Association that is directed at those with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI).  I know I am a bit past that, but I think it would be good for me to interact with those who suffer similar issues as me.  It has not met with support.

My recliner is my place to slide into my mental world of relaxation and security.  While the television is normally on, I only watch a few shows a week.  Other than that I am either on the Internet looking at the diminishing list of things that interest me, or I am deep in thought about my past and friends that I miss.

I actually view the fog and confusion as my friends.  The help me escape from a world I no longer like!


3 comments:

  1. These are the thoughts we care givers need the most. We don't know how you are seeing the world. As confusion increases it is supposed to be normal to withdraw. But none of us know what is going on, why someone doesn't want to go where they always loved to go. You are saying you are happier being in your safe place. This is the part of dementia that is the hardest. The person can do many things, so they seem cranky and obstinate. You seem to be saying I can do many things but am working very hard. Please keep sharing. God bless

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  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I take care of my father and find myself getting so frustrated sometimes with his movements. I have a sense he is repulsed by the world too. Its a relief to read your honesty.

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