Sunday, April 20, 2014

As time goes bye

We had a wonderful morning at Church today.  Easter Sunday is always an uplifting day.  The reassurance that our Savior, paid, in full, the entire cost to purchase our freedom from the penalty of our sins lifts my spirits and calms my soul.

We had a breakfast at the Church before Sunday Services.  I still think it is strange that we do not have a Son Rise service first, then the breakfast, and then, Resurrection Sunday Church Services.  But, maybe I am old fashion.

The large crowd at church overwhelmed me.  There are too many people talking, moving, interacting, children running around, crying, food smells, and furniture in different places.  It is sensory overload for me.  As my wife drove home, I told her I was not doing well and she told me she understood.  She was talking with a lady before we left the church and my disease came up as a topic along with our possible move to the Continuing Care Retirement Community.  As she told me about that conversation, I broke in and told her;  "They better hurry and get me in soon or I won't qualify!"  She told me she knew that.

It is true, I wrote before that I was experiencing an acceleration in my rate of decline.  I see my decline more and more each day.  My lack of ability to translate directions into actions.  Lost thoughts, lost words and a general decline in my conversation skills.   More dreams, REM sleep disorder issues, and some other issues.

I really have no complaints and if I become catatonic tomorrow, I have had a wonderful life and up to now, my experience with LBD has been gentle and slow.   I have no right to ask God for an easy decline.  I only ask for his grace and mercy.

My mind wanders and I get lost in memories.  I make plans I know will never come to pass and then forget them.  Little seems to be important to me anymore.  I do not want to go anywhere or do anything.  I sleep in the afternoon and stay up most of the night.  I get the names of my son and grandsons wrong.  I am confused more that not.  But, I know my ticket to Heaven is bought, by Jesus.  Nothing else matters.

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