Friday, February 7, 2014

Changes, down turns, and new issues

Since after Christmas, my wife and I have noticed some "changes" in how LBD is impacting me.  Some of the changes are subtle and some not so subtle.   And each separate change probably would not be a big issue but combined they spell a new level of the disease.

Mentally, I have noticed a number of changes.  For instance, I am having more disturbing dreams and I am continuing those dreams into my waking hours.  Sometimes, I have a task that I am doing in my dream and I try to figure out how to complete the task I can't quite remember during the day!  This is quite upsetting when I realize it was a dream and not something in my waking hours.

Second, I am loosing more and more long term memories.  Names, places, events, that now are shadows that I cannot bring into mental focus.  An old shipmate from the USS Caron called me the other day and I had problems remembering some of our times together.

Also, I used to be able to think about a time ahead of where I was and concentrate on that to deal with stress.  For instance, when I relaxed during a deployment, I could mentally transport myself to the time I would be home.  I also used this method to do things in my mind to relax.  Like, work on the car, or some other activity I enjoyed.  Now, I cannot do this form of relaxation.

Words are harder to find and I am more agitated.  I walk around the house looking for something that I can't recall.  This is also disturbing to me.  In conversations, I find myself describing words that I need to use.  My wife is very helpful in finding he word, but it is embarrassing for me.  This surfaces when we are conducting our Bible Study at the local Assisted Living Facility.

Now, the most embarrassing thing.  I am having more and more bathroom accidents.  It seems I do not know, all the time, when I am about to have a bowel movement.  There, I admitted it.   This is truly difficult for me.  Maybe even more embarrassing and degrading than loosing my driving privileges.  Which I still have, as long as I am with someone who can monitor me.  Messing in my skivvies is something I never really expected, at least right now.  But, here it is.

Also, I am much more frightened to be alone in the house or anywhere else.  I am very apprehensive and suspicious of just about anything and anyone.  In my mind, things go missing.  Thing I know were there.  For instance, we went to the Commissary and I told Linda we only needed two cans of coffee because we had one in the pantry.  When we returned home, the one in the pantry was gone.  Now I know that coffee was there before we left!  Where did it go?  Got me!

All of these issues are part of the disease.  Look at the symptom sheet from the LBDA web page.  I am like a catalog of LBD symptoms.   And they clearly tell me and my wife that I have progressed to the next level.  If I was in school, that would be a good thing!  But, in my case, it could be looked at as a negative.

But the increase in symptoms also takes some of the fight out of me!  I have the attitude of;  Why fight it.  It will progress at it's own pace anyway, no matter what I do.  I know, "Bad attitude".  But, it is where I am at this time.

I guess on the positive side.  At least for the moment, I am not constipated!  That's a god thing.  Right?

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