Monday, January 27, 2014

How I perceive the stress of my caregiver

I have been married to my wife for 41 years.  41 good years!   I have done good things and not so good things.  Sometimes, the not so good things were my fault and sometimes not.   I suspect I am the same as any husband.  No better and no worse.

But, throw in the stress and anxiety on the caregiver and those small things become major issues.  Discussing symptoms and problems I am having can often lead to curt replies and hurt feelings for both of us.  The other day, we went to take a nap, and when we turned off the lights, I could not see my wife.  I asked her where she was and she was upset in her reply.  She said she thought I was messing with her!  I was not!   She then understood I was having vision issues.

I realize she is overwhelmed with the impact of LBD and the very uncertain future.  That level of stress, the broken dreams and unrealized plans, must be overwhelming.   But the person with the disease is not the villain.  The disease is the villain.

I also realize I constantly talk about issues related to my LBD.  I used to talk about cars, guns, new houses, Navy, the guys I worked with, or sports.  Now, discussion about where to live is centered around a retirement community with memory care.  I don't like to travel, and I get grumpy when the sun goes down.   I have little energy, numerous physical and mental complaints, and I have not adapted to Florida very well.  So, I realize living with me is no picnic.  But living with LBD is no picnic either.

Living with LBD as the one with the disease or as the care giver requires compromise in both cases.  What the LBD symptoms cause are not my fault and certainly not done on purpose.  And how my wife sees my symptoms is not her fault.  We both need to communicate in a non-judgmental manner, keeping each other's feelings in mind.

1 comment:

  1. Nice post! Try to visit here also