Thursday, January 23, 2014

A man without a home

Last night, as I was getting ready to go to sleep, a feeling of total dismay overwhelmed me.  I felt like I had no home state and no place to call home.  I have felt unsettled since we moved to Florida.  We lived in Virginia for over 30 years.  All my friends are there and the Surface Navy is there.  On the other hand, most of the people I have run into here in the  Panhandle of Florida are hard to get to know, to say the least.

On top of this, I have been experiencing a downturn in my mental capabilities.  My wife discussed that with me tonight.  Now, she approached it in a very positive way.  She told me I was here hero for facing this so bravely.  I knew I had slipped a few steps when she said that.

I noticed difficulties conducting the Bible study we hold at the local Assisted Living Facility.  I love those folks and I connect so well with them.  But today, I had problems finding words, describing the thoughts in my mind, and even connecting with the folks.  I have also gone back to taking long afternoon naps.  It helps me be more civil and less grumpy in the evening.

As far as decisions go.  I can't make one.  For instance, we are on the waiting list for a Continuing Care Retirement Facility.  If you ask me if i want to move or not, i really can't say.  One moment I am comfortable with the move, the next I want to stay here.  Then I want to build my concrete house on 40 acres!   This inability to settle on our future living accommodations causes me problems also. I guess my real answer is, I really don't care.  But the hassle of the move is overwhelming to me.  Which is comical since we have moved so many times before.  But now, it frightens me big time.

I have noticed that I have less interest in life and the world around me.  I can no longer do the things I like to do.  I have no friends to do things with, and I have no connection to the place I live.  This has been a rough month for me.  But I knew it was coming!   With LBD, there is always a steep decline after a good period.  And I am in that decline right now.  When will it end.  Soon I hope.

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