We have discussed this before, yet as I sit here ready to explode, I thought it would be therapeutic for me to discuss this again. I have felt frail since I woke up this morning. Unable to focus, diminished vision, weak muscles, and instability. My memory is foggy and I feel generally diminished. This accounts for the down portion of this posting.
We took a long walk today because it was 75 degrees out and very pleasant. We walked at a brisk pace and completed 3.2 miles in 59 minutes. A good pace for two folks over 62! We enjoyed the view of our surrounding neighborhood and the nature that lives in this area of Florida. When we returned home, I was exhausted, in a good way. But, as we relaxed, I became frail feeling again. Finally, I decided to take a nap. Not a new thing. But the urgency to take a nap was new. So, I went to bed and slept for 3 hours. I awoke, suddenly and in somewhat of a confused state. I had a violent dream and actually woke myself up punching my pillow. Not a good way to wake up.
The staccato stress of the Holidays, is difficult to deal with. Actually, anything out of my normal routine upsets me most of the time. OK, all of the time. It is confusion because I enjoy the outings and Linda does a great job limiting our social schedule. But, as I have wrote before, it is the planning of any event that stresses me more than the event itself. The running around planning, making things, packing things, setting up schedules, drives me up the wall. I would be much better if I was just told, an hour before the event, to shower and get dressed to go out. When I do my studies for the Bible Study we lead at our local assisted living facility, I do that study and preparation the night before the study! This takes away the pre-stress and also has the study fresh in my mind for the next day. I truly enjoy the Bible study because I enjoy the people in the study. Both the preparation and event are controlled on my timing.
It is much like meals, getting ready for meal and cleaning up after a meal is torture for me. Now, I am better here if I do the clean up. Why, because it is done at my pace. I am in control and alone in the kitchen, lost in my thoughts.
So, as we rush towards Christmas, I need to find a way to decompress and relax. I need to concentrate on the fun and fellowship of the event and not the stress of the preparation. So, as we learn to manage this disease, I need to be more open with my frustrations and fears.