I am very happy that this is the end of the year and tomorrow marks the end of the Holidays. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Christmas. Family, friends, good food, and decorations. Yet, from my youth, Christmas has never been a happy time for me. I get depressed, feel disconnected, feel unwanted, and anxious. I have bad memories about Christmas past from my youth. Yet, Christmas is when I officially proposed to my wife. I met her on a blind date on Thanksgiving Day and we got engaged on Christmas. She is my other half. She completed me, helped me to grow, and taught me to really love and enjoy life. So, Christmas has some good memories.
Just the same, the Christmas holidays stress me. There is so much to do and it is all so temporary. And New Year celebrations are just a reason to get drunk! Which is something I quit many years ago, thank God! So, I am very happy that this time of the year is done.
Since I have been diagnosed with LBD, I have tried to find positive things in everyday. This is how I deal with the effects of LBD. I can laugh at my memory failures. Snicker at my imbalances and falls. And even be amazed at my loss of muscle mass. I say that my legs are "unhappy" when they hurt every evening. And I even understand my body temperature swings and constipation issues.
But my emotions still confuse me. While I can laugh at my issues, I still get severely depressed over things that should not effect me. For instance, Christmas cards. We send cards to friends and family and we do not get return cards. I realize people are busy, mail gets lost, and things happen. Yet, we make an effort to contact people that are important to us and they act like they don't care. Silly, I know, but it is how my mind works.
One of the most cherished things in my life are friends. I have everything I need. If I find something I want, I buy it. But friends, true, loyal, friends cannot be bought. They are a gift from God!
LBD is a disease with a blessing. Dementia makes your short term memory fail. Later in the disease, long term memory fails. In the middle of the disease, your autonomic functions begin to fail. The loss of short term memory is a blessing in that the things the depress me, upset me, and disappoint me, I forget, quickly. While I am depressed today, I will forget why, tomorrow.
There I go again, finding positives among the problems.