Sunday, December 15, 2013

Indecision, confusion, and doubt, about the future

I have a lot of confusion and indecision about our future living plans.   I have written before about us being on the waiting list to move into a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) here in Pensacola.  It is a great facility with a wonderful reputation and track record.  Their financial balance sheet is healthy.  Just the same, there is a significant initial outlay and there is a stout monthly fee.  That is the price of future security.  There are facilities that do not require an up front fee, but they do not offer any future care guarantees.  You are at the mercy of the fees at the time you need the care.  In a CCRC, your monthly outlay does not go up when one or both of you require assisted living or professional care.  That is what you are purchasing with your initial outlay and your high monthly payments.   Sort of like the old FRAM oil filter commercial; "You can pay me now, or you can pay me later!"

However, I am becoming reticent to move at all.  I am becoming very secure in my surroundings and the idea of moving frightens me!   When we discuss the move and the size of our Apartment, I become quiet and frightened.  And this was always my idea!  But now, any change unnerves me.

We worked very hard all of our married life.  We saved very diligently, both worked most of the time, and did not live too far above our means.  We could have saved more I suppose, but we wanted to have some fun along the way too, and we did.   The initial outlay will take about one-third of our savings.  That idea frightens me too.  However, staying in our home has known and unknown expenses that can deplete savings quickly.  So, I realize there is no perfect living situation.

I like the idea of renting, because I do not have the responsibility of any maintenance.   And in the Panhandle of Florida, both is permanent thanks to Hurricanes!   So the home you love may not be there next year!  And the CCRC we are on the waiting list for is on high ground and made of cement. It has withstood a Cat 4 Hurricane and survived with little damage.  So, it is a good candidate for storm survival.

What really bothers me is moving, change, costs, initial outlay, and did I say change?!   I also question the need to make this move.  I am doing pretty good right now, I think.  Maybe I am too close to make a correct estimation of where I am.   But the neurologist is useless.  My psychiatrist want me is Assisted Living right now!   And I know I don't need that level of care.  Do I?!

I have had problems making decisions for quite a while.  I just can't settle on any decision!   My wife is very good at looking at the pros and cons of any decision.  Through our marriage, I have made good decisions and some bad ones.  My weaknesses have been cars and houses.  We have owned seven houses and a mobile home.  Most of them I made money on.  All of them were good for the time we were in them.  But now, moving out of the, most probably, the last home we will own is a decision I cannot make.

So, the best thing I can to is trust my wife's decision making and try to not come apart mentally as we get closer to our next, and final, move.  While I feel somewhat better as I described in my last post, I also know that mentally I am not able to deal wit changes is my routine or living conditions.  I hope that once we are settled the new place will be my place of security.  Right now, I am up in the air.  

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