I had a telephone call with my sister today. She lives in the Cleveland area still and we do not get together as much as we would like. She asked me about how I was doing and I am very open to tell her. I told he about my hallucinations and she got very quiet. I joked about the and than she relaxed. She said I had a good attitude about what was going on. My reply was; "I can be grumpy and a pain for everyone to be around or I can find something funny about what's happening!"
It's true, the Psychiatrist said the same thing to me the last time I saw him. I choose not to be negatively impacted by LBD. Seeing things that are not there IS a shock. But as long as they are not attacking me, I can laugh at them. But I was shocked at how she handled my symptoms.
Loved ones seem to internalize my issues and not really face them head on. Since my Sister is a far distance away, she probably has built these symptoms up in her mind. I probably would do the same thing if it were her that was effected.
But no one can really understand what I am experiencing. For instance, today, I saw a piece of paper sticking out of my cell phone which was on the table next to my chair. I pushed at the paper and it disappeared into my cell phone. So, I picked up my cell phone and opened to up to remove the paper. There was no paper there! It never was there. So, how does someone deal with that as the observer? I am sure it is frightening to them. But I choose to enjoy this journeys much as I can.
Another thing I have recently discover that I lost was my "Third Party" view of LBD. In the beginning, I could look at what was happening to me as if I was disconnected from the symptoms. I had the feeling like I was watching this happen to someone, but not me. Not, I know it is me!
Another new issue is that my short term memory is even worse. Writing this post is difficult because I cannot remember what I wanted to write next! So, I have to sit and rerun my thoughts back, read what I typed, and try to remember the next though I was going to express. These posts do not come as smoothly as they used to. At least I can still express myself, even if it is more difficult.
Like most diseases, LBD does not just effect the person that has the disease, it impacts everyone in the sufferers life. I am aware of that and try to be as tough as I can and I try to defer as much worry on the part of those who love ma as I can. I fear that soon, I will loose that ability also.