Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Early to bed...

Monday night, I went to bed at 6:30PM!!  Why, because I felt myself getting angry and mean and I knew bed was the best place for me.  I could escape to my mental safe place there.  Quiet, dark, alone, and able to think about things that soothe me.

I have written before about sundowning.  This has been a continuing issue for me.  There are certain things that now upset me more than ever and when that happens, combined with the sundowning, the best place is bed.  Yes, I could stay up and express my anger and frustration.  But for what purpose?  I will only anger my wife/care giver.  And that is never good.  I may have LBD but I am not stupid, at least not yet!

Where and when did I learn that bed was a safe place?  When I was 12.  It was Christmas eve, a particularly tense time in my life.  All Christmas eves were tense and there was much sniping going on in the house, so, I went to bed at about 7 PM.  I did not tell my Mom or Dad, I just went to bed!  They missed me eventually, and even came up and checked on me.  But, I was asleep, safe, in my own thoughts.

My wife still does not understand that I react more to things that bother me.  For instance, money issues, or political issues.  I would be much better off if I never watch a political news show again.  As far as finances go,  it would be better for me if that topic never came up.  I have no control over finances, so why even tell me about where the money is going.  My opinion does not matter now.  So I sit in my recliner and boil slowly.  My blood pressure rises as my anger increases.  But I try very hard to hold my tongue and to keep quiet.  Expressing my anger is counterproductive.

As you can see, just writing about these topics makes my blood boil.  And I know that being angry only makes everyone around me tense, angry, and upset.  I really don't want that for anyone.  So, why won't others treat me that way?  Maybe I am just too sensitive now.  But, there is always the bedroom, my haven of darkness, quiet, and solitude.  I go there often.

I have read on the LBDA website that others  with LBD have this issue also.  I am not alone.  I only wish the people around me would do the research also.  Then they would understand my issues and all of our lives would be smoother.  Maybe I am just making water in the wind.

1 comment:

  1. This is interesting because just recently my mom & dad had a family gathering at their home and we are aware of how dad can get agitated or stressed from the commotion of everything so my mom asked him if it would be okay to have this gathering. My dad said, "Sure we can and if things get to be too much for me, I will go lie down in bed." Although my dad did fine with the gathering, I find it interesting that he, like you, finds comfort in his bed.