Friday, October 25, 2013

Stress of my caregiver

We have seen some down grade in my condition and I have noticed some signs of stress on my wife.  We have noticed me experiencing more realistic hallucinations, more confusion, more exhaustion and weakness.  She is with me 24/7/365 without a break so this should not be a surprise.   We had one of our long discussions today and her stress and anxiety.  She has not been sleeping well for the last month or so and is emotional with me.  We had a disagreement that ended in some very hurt feelings on both of our parts.  This is totally not normal for us.  Arguments have NEVER been a part of our 40+ year marriage.  We both agreed that this is a part of her stress and anxiety over the progression of my disease.

This is a new, unwelcome, development in our journey with LBD.  I have written about our decision to apply for residence in a continuing care retirement community.  The one we applied to has a waiting list and that causes some stress also.  Waiting is never easy, especially when you are working against an unknown deadline.  What deadline you may ask?  The deadline of me still being well enough to be judges able to live independently by the professionals at the CCRC.  Yes, I have to pass an inspection of my cognition.

Life is never easy and life with Lewy Body is an even greater challenge.  So, all of these challenges have combined to cause stress, anxiety, and anger in my wife.  I am pretty much impervious to these mental issues.  They slip my mind and I just don't think about them.  Convenient, I think.  Bad short term memory can be a blessing.

But my wife has perfect short and long term memory and she thinks about all of the possibilities, negative and positive, of our future, all the time.  No wonder she can't sleep.  She is a planner.  Financial, moves, even furniture placement in an apartment we have not moved into yet.  Just the same, her planning has kept us in great financial condition for over 40 years.  You cannot argue with success!  But, I wish the stress and anxiety would leave he so she could get some restorative rest.

I am sure other care takers suffer from the same issues.  But in our case, their appearance is relatively new or at least relatively newly expressed.  So, as with all the other issues of LBD, we will trust God and look to Him for guidance and rest.

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