Thursday, September 19, 2013

Stress effects me more now and in different ways

I wrote a few hours ago about being overwhelmed over a leak caused by the recent shower remodel.  I know most people would not be bothered in the least about a problem that already had a solution.  After all, their work is warranted, in writing!  But, it still sent me into depression and fight or flight.

Now, after mowing the lawn to calm down, I feel better.  And yes, Bath Fitters already fixed the problem.  But, I am still effected by the event.  Little things seem to take over my life!  I get angry, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, and introverted when something goes wrong.   My wife is beginning to understand how much these things impact me.  I realize it is hard for someone not effected by LBD to understand why I get so effected by little things.

I am still coherent enough to express my feelings but not coherent enough describe how thing impact me!  My wife will ask me; "What's wrong?"  And I will reply, nothing, or I'm OK, or better yet, "I can't describe it to you."   This frustrates her and rightly so.  But, I really can't find the words to express myself or, I really don't remember what started my downward spiral.  Recently, I have been able to take some time to reconstruct the events that lead me to my melt down or depressive episode.  But, I am not always able to do that either.

I do know that I really would like to reduce the potential stressors in my life.  But that idea causes my vibrant wife problems because she does not want to live in a controlled atmosphere.  She is still fully functioning and not bothered by the little things in life.   I do not know the outcome of this dilemma.  Time will tell.

For now, all I can do is express my problems in the best way possible and be as understanding as I can about the impact of my condition on my wife and family.

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