Thursday, May 9, 2013

Memory issues

As my LBD journey progresses, I have noticed a number of symptoms increasing.  One of them is my memory.   There are times that my mind is completely blank.  I have no thought on my mind at all.  Other times, I am focused on the past events of my life.  I still have very realistic dreams that run over into my waking hours.  Some of them have me believing that I am still working and have not retired from Civil Service.   In these dreams, I have been notified that I have been approved to retire, but I just can't seem to retire.  I have too much to do!  

Every night, when I lay down, I try to remember what I did during the day.  Most of the time, I don't remember the events of the day.   I can't remember if we went anywhere, of what we had to eat.  I don't remember names of people I meet now and I have problems remembering the names of the people I knew in the past.  Shipmates, folks I worked with, even family members.  This frustrates me and I often ask my wife the name of this person or that.

Of all the things I have lost, I miss my memory the most!  It's true!  It's bad enough I live some of my day in a dream world, but to forget the names of people I have known for years, old friends and shipmates, is difficult to deal with.

People with Dementia put on a "Show" to cover up their memory problems.  We pretend to know someone or pretend we remember a situation or event.  We smile, say "Yes" and agree with you.  But we really don't know what you are talking about!  It's the truth.  I watched my Father in Law do this when he had Alzheimer's and I do it now.  I never though I would be in this condition.

So, as this "Long Good By", as President Reagan called it, continues, I have become more and more frustrated with my memory loss.  It is the most difficult effect of LBD for me.

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