As my LBD journey progresses, I have noticed a number of symptoms increasing. One of them is my memory. There are times that my mind is completely blank. I have no thought on my mind at all. Other times, I am focused on the past events of my life. I still have very realistic dreams that run over into my waking hours. Some of them have me believing that I am still working and have not retired from Civil Service. In these dreams, I have been notified that I have been approved to retire, but I just can't seem to retire. I have too much to do!
Every night, when I lay down, I try to remember what I did during the day. Most of the time, I don't remember the events of the day. I can't remember if we went anywhere, of what we had to eat. I don't remember names of people I meet now and I have problems remembering the names of the people I knew in the past. Shipmates, folks I worked with, even family members. This frustrates me and I often ask my wife the name of this person or that.
Of all the things I have lost, I miss my memory the most! It's true! It's bad enough I live some of my day in a dream world, but to forget the names of people I have known for years, old friends and shipmates, is difficult to deal with.
People with Dementia put on a "Show" to cover up their memory problems. We pretend to know someone or pretend we remember a situation or event. We smile, say "Yes" and agree with you. But we really don't know what you are talking about! It's the truth. I watched my Father in Law do this when he had Alzheimer's and I do it now. I never though I would be in this condition.
So, as this "Long Good By", as President Reagan called it, continues, I have become more and more frustrated with my memory loss. It is the most difficult effect of LBD for me.