Saturday, March 16, 2013

Night issues and broken social filters

I have written before about my issues during the evening.  For instance, right now my wife has the TV on, LOUD.  I cannot reach the remote and my legs hurt so I don't want to get up to get the remote.  On top of that, my back hurts.  But the LOUD TV is the big issue.  It is making me more and more aggravated and angry.  I would be much more happy if the TV was OFF and it was quiet. She knows that the noise bothers me, but, I guess she forgets.  Her hearing is failing, but she does not think so.  Also, she is in her active, bounce around and do everything, make noise, and ask questions mode.  It happens most nights, but tonight, it bothers me more.   I will go to bed soon.

To keep peace and to be respectful, I don't say anything.  So, my social filters are working tonight.  But I am steaming inside!  But the good part is, my social filters ARE working!  But, recently, they have not.  I replied to a Facebook post in an inappropriate way.  When I made the reply, I thought what I said was OK, maybe even funny.  Now, I know it was not.  Oh well.

Another issue is driving.  I brushed another car in a parking lot today.  No damage to our car, and some scrapped paint on the other persons bumper cover.  We both called our insurance companies and my company said it was "No Fault".  No big issue but it illuminates the fact that soon, I won't be driving.  This is the second parking lot issue I have had, both backing out of a parking space.  I actually fell things are coming apart at the seams.  I know what the reality of my disease is.  But, in my mind, I am still the same as I was before I was diagnosed.  But, deep down, I know that is a lie.  Those two emotions continuously fight in my mind.

Another issue is, I still have this need to be in a facility that provides for me.  Again, I know I don't need that yet.  But, I still feel the need to be cared for.

One other emotion.  Florida!  We moved here to be close to our Son and his family.  That part has been exceptional.  I am closer to my Son that ever before and I know my wife enjoys the connection with family.  The problem is, I miss my friends from Tidewater.  We have a very nice guest room, that has been used twice.  Our best friends, Jerry and Marcia and my Sister.  I know other people have their own lives, work, have responsibilities. and their own friends besides me.  But, I live in Florida, not Alaska!

So, as you can see, I am having a bad night and I am going to bed now.  This blog's purpose is to keep everyone informed as to how this disease is effecting me.  Well tonight, it is kicking my but.  Good night.

PS.  As I was going to sleep last night, I thought about my day and why my day as so bad.  Here is a review.  As I woke up, the day's entire plan was changed.  I had a small auto accident,  during a nap, I had a bowel accident, and while I was cleaning up, I found something new and unfamiliar growing in a place I don't want to mention.  I hope today will be better.

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