Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I saw something!! Didn't I?

OK, I am reticent to post this because it may be used against me, but here goes.  A couple of days ago, I went from the living room into our bedroom and then the master bath.  I think I was in the closet looking for something, but as I came out of the bathroom, I saw our miniature poodle, Marcel, run past me and under our bed.  That is totally normal, he likes to run under the bed.  He uses that position to make me feel sorry for him if we are going out and he thinks he is not going.  Then I walked back into the living room and I saw Marcel curled up next to my wife on the couch!   I asked her how long he had been there and she said, since before you went into the bedroom.

This is the FIRST time I have had a hallucination where I did not know, that what I was seeing, was not real!   The first time I actually thought, 100%, that what I was looking at was the real thing.  In this case, Marcel!   Now that is frightening to me.  Of course, it means this disease is taking over more of my brain.  It means, I am in control of even less of my cognitive skills.  It means, a lot more than that.

I have written before about my realization that I can no longer live independently.  I used to have this dream of living on some acreage, independent of society, eating what I grow or barter for.  A survivalist or a Rugged Individualist!  I can't even dream that now!   Now, everything is in question.

One other thing.  Last night, we went to be at the same time.  My wife fell asleep before me and I was just drifting off when I heard this snoring.  I came to full awake and asked myself;  Who is snoring that loud?!  It took me a minute to come up with the obvious answer.  Well, at least I did not have to wake her up and ask her name.  That HAS happened before too.

When I was first diagnosed with Dementia, my wife told me;  You are about to live every man's dream.  You will sleep with a different woman every night!  I know that was her way of easing my shock, but it turns out, she probably was right!  And this one snores!


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