Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Controlling my emotions is difficult, but necessary

I used to have a fairly explosive temper.  It's true and you will say Amen if you know me.  But more and more, I find myself holding in my emotions, trying not to say negative things, and not permitting myself to be overwhelmed by my perspective on life.  Why, because loosing one's temper is a big problem for those of us with LBD.  As I read about my disease, loosing my temper is considered is a big, negative milestone and I don't want to go past that point until I have too!

So, I find myself not expressing my emotions and swallowing my tongue instead of blowing up as I used too.  But, this causes me to overload my emotional limit stops from time to time!  I causes the feeling of pressure in my head and the associated headaches and pounding in my ears.

But, I guard myself from loosing my temper and being labeled as a person out of control.  But, on the other hand, while controlling my emotions has became harder, I realize someday I will not be able to control my emotions at all.   So, as I watch this disease marches on, I guard against the future issues as long as I can.  Of course, we all realize I will soon not know that I am emotionally exploding.  But for now, I am calm, cool, and collected, at least on the outside.  I guess that is called a facade.

On another issue.  As the neurologist told us, the Parkinson's issues are increasing.  My legs hurt most of the time.  The push and pull muscles are constantly fighting with each other and that hurts.  In the evening, my legs hurt enough that it is very difficult for me to get off the couch.  We are considering purchasing a life chair for me.  Most of the time, I really need help getting up from the couch.  We have not started the Sinemet because he wanted me to spend a week on the Exelon patch to make sure I did not get nausea or any other side effects from that new drug.  So Monday, we start the Sinemet.   We will see.  I will keep you posted.

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